I know I haven’t posted in a while, so I thought I’d write about my feelings on Disney films, because somtimes I actually do want to write about stuff I like..
Oh snap, what a meta inside blog reference.
The internet ruined my ability to see these movies through innocent eyes anymore. Not with the endless amount of conspiracy theories about Mickey and satanic references, the hate against the portrayal of women, Walt’s past in general, and the dreaded rule 34 of the internet…
When I was a child though, I didn’t even see shit like that, and I consider myself a fairly perseptive child.
But as a child I was mesmerised by the music.
Especially the Disney films I grew up with, in the 90s, when I was 4 and Disney brought me childlike wonder and joy even in my already darkening soul.
So I’ll always appreciate Disney for that.
Sometimes it’s just calming as shit to stop adulting for one second, stop the cynical basterdry of your mind that comes from getting older, and experience the amazing beats of the 90s Disney.
Let me leave you with my favourite Disney song of all.
Calm down, it’s me guys, my first ever post was about not boycotting stuff just because you don’t agree with it.
It got your attention, right? (Doubtful, I’m probably much more smart in my head)
I hope it did, because I need to bring to light the issue of fake news and the defamtion of a person for money. I say it and it sounds pretty standard for a large media company. But that doesn’t make it right.
Because of posts from wall street journal, Pewdiepie (yep, another pewds post) has been dropped from his label Maker,and offset company of Disney, and his show Scare Pewdiepie Season 2 has been cancelled, and he is no longer on YouTube Red. They did this because they believe Pewdiepie is anti-semitic.
Again, both of these posts may sound like I’m part of the ‘bro army’ defending my spazz god, but this post isn’t about that.
It’s about fake news. It’s about how soulless the media can be, by destroying the reputation of someone big, just for more views and money. Every post is over-exaggerated and taken waaaay out of context. How do I know this? Because they use his videos clips but cut the parts where he’s saying something against the Jews. They cut these parts out, and I watch Pewdiepies videos, he says everything in jokes. The Fiverr incident was a joke! He did not do it vindictively nor did he think those men would even hold the sign up at all!
(And no I’m not going to provide evidence for the Wall Street Journal article because to read the whole thing requires you to sign up and pay for it.)
There have also been other Youtubers who have spoken out in defense of Felix, main one being Ethan and Eila from H3H3, who happen to be Jews.
Everything is wrong about this situation. This isn’t journalism, this is blatant bullshit.
This is a problem because it takes away from the true racists, it’s a problem because it’s the defamation of a person, for the sake of money.
When are people going to stop with needing to get offended over fucking everything?
I stand beside Felix on this one #StandByPewdiePie, not because I’m a fan, but because I believe that this evil journalism is a problem that needs to stop.
(Disclaimer: Everything I’m writing about is from the past, I have still not touched any harder recreational drugs since 2010.)
Because I know probably nobody reading this would get this blog title reference reference (unless you’re from Australia and like strange music), so I’m just going to tell you what it’s from. It’s a line out of the song 5 Yards by TISM.
You’re only one fad away from being retro
You’re only one drug away from liking techno
You’re only one glasses of pair from dyslexia
You’re only one Cleo mag from anorexia
You’re only 5 yards from a fuckwit
5 Yards – TISM aka This Is Serious Mum
This post has absolutely nothing to do with TISM, I just think these lyrics are funny.
Plus I’m writing about techno and I thought the heading was witty, like in a hipster, meta, nobody gets it way, coz that’s how I roll.
Sometimes I watch a thing, and in the background they’ll play an electronic song with an amazing beat and it just brings back the memories of my rave days. Not that I went to that many, as most of the time me and my 4 years older, has a car, is big tough and scary and raves hard boyfriend, spent all of our, *cough his, money on weed pretty well all of the time so we hardly could afford to go.
But the few times I did go where the best experiences of my life.
Because I was on all the drugs.
What, what, what?!
This is all how I felt, and my life was far from destroyed from how often I did them, which was rarely (my life was pretty battered though from the weed addiction but that’s not todays topic). I want to talk about it because it was a part of my life I enjoyed.
And no, I don’t think that’s sad. I took recreational drugs, and it enhanced my life and experiences a bit, so what’s the harm in talking about it now? I mean, I always bring up Carl Sagan and that lsd argument, so yeah, look at Carl Sagan. And no I’m not linking shit to Carl Sagan and his lsd use, this isn’t meant to be some wacky pro-drug taking post. I know that for some who may read this it doesn’t matter how good a time I had, they will always be like drugs are bad and end of statement. And believe me I agree, somewhat, but more I think abusing things is bad, and I’m guilty of it too which I’m not proud of, so I’m not condoning drug abuse.
I just want to try and describe how I felt, which is most likely going to be a shitty representation to what it actually was. Because it was awesome.
The thing about me and music, it’s always been intense, because when it comes to movies and music, I love it so much that it can be draining on me when I hear certain genres or bands.
But electronic music doesn’t usually having singing or anything (well, the stuff I was listening to mainly didn’t) and when it did, the lyrics were usually simple.
(Another Disclaimer: All the music I’m referencing is from between 1999-2008, when electronic music was called Techno, and there was no such thing as dubstep, well, that’s probably not true.
Corrected Statement: When dubstep wasn’t mainstream and it still sounded mainly like machines having sex.)
The thing is when it comes to techno, the drugs that are truly going to make you experience it the most would be things like speed, exctacy and mdma. Maybe not so much speed alone because that’s a straight amphetamine, but the other 2 are what I like to call ‘feely’ drugs.
Because they make you feel in love with everything and everyone.
And not just everything and everyone, but yourself too, you feel good. Not just inside, but outside too.
And I mean it in every literal sense of that, you’ll want to rub your arms and hug yourself, because damn you feel good. Like silky, warm and amazing.
So as one can assume, you’re in a different frame of mind, because this emotion is only available whilst on this drug. Seriously. Because it’s not an emotion you’re experiencing in your mind consciously, you feel it in your body more. It’s like the very core of your being is emoting, and your brain is completely tranced out.
When you take out the object of thinking out of the equation, please, just listen to the beat of any popular dance track, and tell me if you were in that state your body would not feel that beat.
The type of noises from electronic music, you experience it in a completely new way, it all fits together for me like a sound masterpiece and my body still remembers how that felt.
You have no idea how happy techno music from back in the day makes me. I can still reminisce and feel the shadow of the feeling I felt on those drugs, on those nights, in those clubs.
And it feels so warm and happy and safe because I created whatever emotion attached to those beats. And in a rave, everybody around you is most likely feeling fucking amazing alongside you too, because they are most likely on those same drugs. And don’t start with how dangerous that sounds.
You know what’s also dangerous? A big rowdy pub full of drunk people.
People on drugs are scary because you don’t know how they’re going to react. You can’t say that one drug is any less dangerous then the other, that’s the one hypocrisy that really fucks me off in people.
Look, the moment I actually touched something harder then weed was the day I realised I was part of a group that was very highly judged now. And I realised that it isn’t the drugs that are bad, the drugs are amazing. It’s the people that get hooked on it and do stupid things which is bad.
Addiction to the point of not only abusing your body, but abusing the law is bad.
But from my weed and cigarette addiction, I can now fully empathise with these ‘junkies’ as they are so callously called.
Can you really blame someone that’s in pain for turning to something which makes them happy, which takes them out of their mind? Can you even imagine, as someone not addicted to anything, to be in that much torment that you would rather give up life just to be on something that made you feel better? I’m sorry but, ‘I get low but I didn’t turn to drugs’, is a fucking ignorant stupid statement. Just because you can deal with situations without getting addicted to anything, doesn’t give you the right to expect everybody to cope the same way as you did. Maybe it’s because you haven’t actually felt the same crippling pain as some that turn to drugs do. Or maybe you have your own bad habits that are addictions as such, things that help you cope like cigarettes or coffee.
Maybe you could never comprehend that pain. And that’s ok, because people feel emotion at different degrees of severity. So understand, you’re fortunate that you don’t experience the same crippling lows as someone that turns to drugs. Be grateful, and feel empathy for all of those poor souls trapped in their addiction, whatever destructive addiction that may be.
Stopping judging, and start understanding. Only then can we truly start making an effort to help with addiction.
And please, put things into perspective. Most of us have drank alcohol. Some get addicted to it, and it is just as devasting as any illegal drug addiction. People can abuse things like prescription medications and food which can be just as destructive on the body.
I also believe that recreational drug use, if done responsibly can be viewed in the same way as drinking at a pub. Harmless social fun not done too often.
It’s only my opinion though, hush now. You don’t have to agree with all of it, I just would like to hope you think about what I said about junkies, because these people deserve more empathy and less judgement.
I’ve seen a fair few people with rules up on their blog, and I always thought that it was a fair enough idea, but I didn’t actually think I’d have to make a post about my own.
Not that I’m quite making rules as such.
I just want to bring light to a situation that happened over a week ago on here, and I’m going to be as vague as possible because I don’t like to call people out.
And yes, it has taken me this long to address it because I literally need that much time to think about a situation so hard that I start only thinking logically about it.
Yes, I have lost control over my emotions again.
So I got a new follower, and let’s just say their content is, unique and dark, there’s no doubt that the blog is an artpiece, because it did raise a lot of strong emotion in me, which is fine on usual days, probably not in these last fews months though.
In fact, because of all the comment events that happened I’ve kind of felt a lot of avoidance towards WordPress. And that’s not right because I’ve had so many ideas in this past week.
Look, the thing is, my main chunk of followers all came from the mental health community on WordPress. I started this because I’m not well, and I don’t know how long it’s going to take for me to be well again, I have a rough diagnosis and I’m not coping. This scared me off WordPress for a while, not only that, but I had to question my own stance on freedom of speech, which hasn’t been challenged on here before.
But you didn’t just comment your weird act to me, you also did it to my followers.
I deleted those comments. And I felt so bad about it at the time because I thought I was a hypcrite, so I had to think long and deep about my stance on freedom of speech and the pc culture.
But at the end of the day it comes down to a simple choice of duty of care. I chose to delete the comments on my followers comments because the comments in question were pretty condescending in my eyes. I mean, the comments to me were worse but I chose to play along because I didn’t want to react in an emotional way.
And yeah, I’m that oversensitive, because I am fucking borderline and bipolar. I can deal with normal trolls, but you my friend are a fucking weird one, and your humour hurts my brain.
But if any comments are directed at me I will most likely not delete them, unless it is trolls, then it doesn’t achieve anything by leaving it up. As for any comments that are to do with my followers, if I think they are even the slightest amount of bad I will have no hesitation for it to not go up.
Because there will be no arrogant psyho-analysis on my followers. How fucking dare you. The people that comment on my page open up on here, and I will not let you belittle them like that. I care about these people so much, and there will be none of that on my page.
So back off.
If you have any empathy in you at all, you would understand that your words can deeply affect people, especially in the mental health community.
I don’t get your character, I’m not that kind of artist, so keep it to your own page, because it is an act, and if you want to comment on my page then be a real person.
Because when you’re making distasteful jokes on a post about a traumatic event that lives were lost in, you start to lose any artistic value and just come across as an arrogant, unempathetic lowlife that has nothing better to do then fuck with the emotions of people already in incredible pain. Or in simpler terms, that was poor taste bro, this is WordPress, not Facebook, don’t be a common troll.
And that might be me over-reacting, if you choose to see it that way instead of actually realising the impact you made, then maybe you aren’t as intelligent as you like to think you are.
I’ve been kind of linking this blog to everyone I meet now, in real life I mean. And I kind of realised it’s one of those things that maybe needs to be read before people decide if they want to be my friend or not, as painfully childish and somewhat stupid as that sounds. But this blog is a pretty big warning label, so fuck it.
I will never hold myself back when it comes to me and my unit of a brain in this space.
I have stuff to do this week, not only that but I did stuff this week. The last 2 days have been spent out getting my responsible service of alcohol certificate and my food handling certificate.
Now I am qualified enough to be a bottom bitch in the hospitality industry, joy.
I just want part time work for now so I’m happy I have these, it’s not like this will ever be my career. And I got out of the house and socialising, so I guess it was a good thing for me to do for that reason. Then I’ve got mum and dad staying the night to help with a driving lesson on Thursday so I’ve got plenty on.
These are all good things.
So why do I feel so sad?
For anybody who’s watched Rick and Morty, you nerds would’ve gotten the reference in the title. But for those who don’t watch the show, it’s a catchphrase that Rick says throughout season 1. The meaning of the term though is explained by Birdman;
But the thing is, no one can help me. Because I don’t even know what this is or quite how I’m feeling. This is an attempt at trying to explain something I don’t even know. It’s like every time I get sad or anxious about something it feels different. Like there’s somewhat different levels of severity.
This is just a general sadness, over the fact that I feel so fucking alien in groups or with people now.
I mean, the group I was with was small and just all different. So weird, first day there was 6 of us and today it was down to 4 and well, it was interesting for me. Most of us all had opinions on stuff, so a lot of the time it was constant debate when we were on breaks or lunch, or in the case of this afternoon, through a boring coffee making video that lasted 25 minutes. I guess when you’re in a small group it’s kind of easier to debate without it turning hostile if you have conflicting opinions. I mean, the thing I observed though is that we could all still agree on minor points of the opposite argument.
Look, I understand that this is what intelligent adult conversation is, and I just described it like I was a fucking mongoloid trying to explain debating etiquette to 5 year olds, but you don’t understand the people I’ve lived with!
You also don’t understand how highly sensitive and downright close-minded I can be…
Because I can only tell you that it was a healthy debate, after the fact, after I had to ask about it. Because to me, it still sounded so hostile, so attack like, on me especially with certain topics. But it wasn’t, nobody held any malice, no ones opinions changed. Yet my emotions went fucking nuts and all I could do was just shut up and hold it in. The caged monster inside of me was trying its best to escape.
And I’m not even just talking about the ridiculously short fuse connected to the rage, I mean my whole opinion on these people shifted almost every conversation, down to a deep hatred at moments.
This is my theory, this extreme over-sensitivity was controlled a lot by the lamotrogine, and I regret going off it, for a lot of reasons. But I don’t know whether I could go through the process of getting back on it, not just that, I don’t think I can afford it right now. Because it was a medication that I couldn’t get on medicare, so I had to pay the full price for it. I just don’t think I could do it right now. I don’t know whether I could go through the extra vivid nightmares or the super itchy drug rash it caused.
So I guess the key here is to just not react. So I didn’t. But that didn’t stop the absolute overflow of emotions I felt in trying not to react. It’s exhausting and unpleasant. It’s unpleasant to debate face to face, in real life for me. Because it’s like there are these aggressive tones to peoples voices, like a dog tone that a human can’t hear, but a Kim tone, because it feels like I’m the only one hearing the hostility.
Just because I can realise it doesn’t mean it stops me from reacting at the time. Doesn’t stop it from hurting any less. All it leaves me with is a feeling of being so fucking different. Of not quite connecting, of not being able to relate at all. I mean, none of them really liked the same stuff I did, they were just from different worlds to me, like, boring adult worlds where Doctor Who is lame and adult cartoons like South Park (and Rick and Morty!) is too childish.
I felt like a child again being picked on, but it wasn’t that, it was just we don’t like the same things and these people were a lot more judgemental about it. But they weren’t putting ME down for liking it, I just wasn’t comprehending that at the time. Because I guess that everything I love I hold close to me, like it’s a part of who I am. So to hear people ridiculing it, even if it’s just a tv show or whole fucking genre of shows in my case, it feels like a personal attack on me. Which I understand is silly when it’s not like it’s my own creation or property anyway, but that’s the thing with fandoms.
And you might think that this is all positive that I can at least observe and see it, but that is the exact fucking reason why I am sad.
Because I can see it all in my head, but I’m losing touch with being social. I feel like I can’t apply what I know in the real world, because I can see now I really still don’t have any control over my emotion.
I don’t usually like to post on the news, I don’t like to post on tragic new. I don’t like watching it, reading it or hearing it.
But I can’t not post about what happened in the Melbourne CBD yesterday, because Melbourne is my city, I love the CBD, it’s always been my favourite place in the world. I grew up going to the CBD, I worked my first real job in the heart of the CBD on Collins Street, I’ve regularly walked the streets throughout my life including Bourke St and through the Bourke Street Mall.
Nothing like this has happened in my time. I didn’t think anything bad would ever go down in Melbourne.
Yesterday a crazy fucking psycho mowed down people on Bourke Street Mall, killing 3 people on the scene and injuring 20, another person has also died in hospital bringing the death count to 4. Among the first 3 victims one was a 10 year child.
I have family in the city, a lot of people got taken to hospital just because of witnessing it. I’ve seen a video now removed of the carnage on the street, it was disgusting.
This man has a family history of violence and was also wanted for the stabbing of his brother.
This is the thing, I know this happens a lot in America, but it’s really different when it’s a country that doesn’t allow guns. To kill with a gun is no where near the same kind of personal aggression level as stabbing a person. Then when you hear it’s not a terrorist threat, it’s not politically motivated, it’s just because this guy is a fucking psychopath.
There’s no reason for it. That’s scary.
Too kill with something like a car which is just going to maim, and you just plow down people with nowhere to go with no remorse, it’s fucked.
This affected me. I’m still only an hour away from Melbourne, it’s my city, always will be.
I’m so sorry to the families and people that got affected by this. This was a terrible, scary thing that happened that no one should of had to go through.
This is sort of old news now, but it got brought up again today on a random vlog I was watching on Youtube.
And I was tossing up whether to put this on LITE or not, because it’s sort of pop culture related, but it deserves to be here because of its blatant offensiveness.
I am of course talking about the ridiculous court trial that happened on June 20th, 2016.
I really don’t care what your feelings are on this, it’s funny, stop being so serious. Just the fact that something like this happened is funny.
The trial was for Denver Allen, who was being charged for murder of a fellow inmate. I’m going to link the transcript here because it has to be read to be believed. But it follows along these lines…
The Court: Lis-listen to me.
Allen: – I’ll just hold myself in contempt.
The Court: Listen to me.
Allen: Fuck you.
The Court: Listen to me.
Allen: Go fuck yourself. I’m through here – Are y’all done?
The Court: I-I’m finding- I’m finding you in contempt of court.
Allen: I don’t care.
The Court: I know you don’t. And I sentence you to twenty days for that. And if you say anything else, I’m going to add twenty days to everything you say.
Allen: Fuck you.
The Court: Forty days.
Allen: Fuck you again.
The Court: Sixty.
Allen: Go fuck yourself.
The Court: A year.
Allen: Your mama.
The Court: Ten years.
Allen: Suck my dick.
The Court: You know something, this is going to be an interesting trial.
Interesting trial indeed.
And to make it all even better, this ended up being turned into a Rick and Morty short, with the whole trial voiced by Justin Roiland himself (creator and voices of Rick and Morty). Then some awesome animator, Tiarawhy, spent 2 months putting the animation into colour.
Man, I would’ve loved to be the person in the courtroom typing all that shit down…
So yeah, enjoy the Rick and Morty interpretation of this court case, it’s funny because it works as an episode.