‘Apply for the NDIS’ they said.
‘They’ll help you’ they said.
And a year and a half later I finally get word that I’ve been REJECTED.
Just like receiving the word from the final psych that he also won’t see me.
‘Maybe you should just get the counselling then’.
You know what that comment feels like? Getting kicked in the guts repeatedly while you’re down then having some snide fuck offer you a hand up only to yoink it away at the last minute.
Yes, of course it’s the systems only answer for helping me, so I’ll be fucking pacified.
Guess what? I’m not fucking doing it.
The only other option I see is to get myself admitted and seen to there, anyone got any suggestions on what will get me into a ward and not jail?
Maybe I could shave my head out the front of Centrelink, or piss myself in the middle of a shopping centre Exorcist style.
What, does this talk make you uncomfortable? Is my anger too volatile?
Better just start those 10 magical free sessions that will pacify me, I mean, fix me enough to function like a normal person in this society.
But Kim, at least our system isn’t as bad as the US, you’ve got it pretty good.
Yeah, I guess the difference is in the US I’d be dead, but over here I’m only contemplating complete public humiliation to get me noticed by a system that thinks everyone on the disability is a fucking dole bludger anyway. See, how much fucking better it is over here?!
I’m so sick of using comparing how bad it is in other countries to justify how fucking awful our mental health system is over here.
But Kim, maybe if you just think positively you’ll be rewarded with more positivity. Just work hard all you’ll get there.
STOP TRYING TO FUCKING PACIFY ME!
Life is shit at the moment, the system is shit, and it has FAILED me. I REFUSE to sit by and PRETEND that I’m happy when I’M NOT FUCKING HAPPY! Maybe if I was sitting in a more comfortable position I could see the positives in my situation. But at this point in time there is NO HOPE. And guess what? If there’s no hope it means there’s NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE. So no, I’m going to kick and fucking SCREAM till I fucking collapse and maybe then they’ll help me.
But I will FUCKING NOT stay silent.
I will not be pacified with counselling sessions from a system that still thinks mental health issues is a sign of weakness.
Don’t tell me to calm down.
Just let me be angry, because I’m the only sane one here getting angry at this broken system.