The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us…

Yes, you heard right. There is a zombie outbreak happening right now, everywhere, all over the world (I assume, I haven’t left my state let alone the country). It’s an outbreak of the Phone Zombies! They may not eat brains but they are contagious, by there use of phone it makes you need to check your phone also just in case you got some important notification that you need to check, right now. Or if someone has a ringtone or message tone that is the same one you have, you need to check your phone right away, it’s like an itch that no amount of will power can stop you from scratching… Ehhhh…. I know I’m not expecting a call or text, there’s nothing life threatening happening to me or someone else I know that makes me need to obsessively check my phone for missed calls… SOMEONE MAY OF COMMENTED ON A SELFIE I POSTED ON FACEBOOK, I BETTER CHECK FOR NOTIFICATIONS!

I know facebook had that effect on me, since deleting myself off that I can now have a real conversation with someone without the annoying itch to check my Facebook. Not only do I not really exist on the internet, but I can actually be social again. Social media is such a contradiction, just the name of it. Nothing about it is social, because not only does it steer you away from any real life interaction, most exhibit signs of antisocial behaviour, you know, all the symptoms of being sociopaths, seriously, just check out any debate like pages with over 100,000 likes. But this is not a bitch blog about facebook…

It’s about fucking phone Zombies! You know, the endless amount of people that walk the streets, the shopping centres (malls), the fucking everywhere! They’re fucking everywhere! I hate, I despise, I detest these people. Why can’t you do one simple fucking task like buying some fucking milk without your head being glued to your fucking phone screen! You not only make shopping 10 times longer and 10 times more frustrating, you make the act of walking at a decent pace almost un-fucking-achievable! And if you’re stupid enough to walk in front of a bus, because I highly doubt any of your heads are actually in your surroundings at all, it’ll still be the fucking bus drivers fault!

My secret desire is to push one of your aimless, basically lifeless bodies in front of a bus, it really is. It may get me to my destination at least 10 minutes earlier.

And you crowd up the street too, because you have no sense of spacial awareness when you’re on your phone, and let’s be honest, humans without phones already had that issue to begin with! And it’s true that zombie population is always worse in the major cities and towns, because walking through Melbourne Cbd now is almost impossible. I have missed the lights, missed trams, missed trains because of fucking phone Zombies. And because they all congregate in clumps in the city, if you really need to get to the other side of the congregation, even if you ran full pelt at the group you probably couldnt of made it through.

Of course I’m over exaggerating, but at the same time I’m not. I’m only 4’10” I’m very short, I don’t get noticed very often because people aren’t looking down. I have dealt with people running in to me, people not moving for me, people stopping in front of me my whole. fucking. life. People on phones just make it worse, no consideration for anyone or anything around them, and from where Im standing, it’s basically the Apocalypse for me, as if I wasn’t angry enough.

Rant over.

 

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6 thoughts on “The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us…

      1. I don’t know if it is the same for everyone though. I’m usually very aware of what’s going on around me, and I don’t bump into people – people just have their heads up their arses, or in their phones šŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

  1. No one sees me I’m below eyes level, I literally don’t even get noticed. I’ve learnt to speedwalk around and dodge and weave but when there’s a mass of phone Zombies I can barely do that anymore. They’re so slow or the change their minds halfway through and step in front of me or something.

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  2. I do love a good rant. I’m surprised more people aren’t squashed on the streets from walking across them, their heads down reading their phones. I wonder if people go splat?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think people did, I know it’s highly frowned upon over here to cross the road with headphones in. I swear there were laws at one stage but I guess it couldn’t really be properly policed.

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