This is why I’m off Facebook. This is why I don’t watch mainstream media/TV. This is why I try and veer myself away from debates that make me overheat. I couldn’t even find a picture on the net that best describes how I feel about the issue I’m going to write about. Not because anything was not quite right, but because I couldn’t find anything at all in support, all I found was hate and ignorance…
I still stand for the opinion I held in my first blog. I still stand for anti-cencorship and freedom of speech above anything else. Because if we lose that, considering our current situation with ISIS then I think we’d lose a lot. I don’t know enough about this subject to throw anything out there too much, I do not watch mainstream media, in that same token, I stay away from real news too. Because in all honesty, it’s the only way I’ve been able to stay calm for all these months. I’ve stayed away from everything that can trigger me. Because my main trigger is injustice. I care so fucking much about people, I really do. It’s always been my gift but also my downfall. I wanted to stop the hurt for people so much that I took all the pain on top of my own and I got destroyed by it. Everytime I see something on women being treated unfairly, physical abuse, rape, racism, all of it, I get filled with an enormous amount of despair, coupled with a crippling rage which is a contradiction to my belief in peace. I want to stop the monster so much that I in turn become the monster, attacking whoever has a difference of opinion, getting easily riled and then just blatantly incoherent.
I struggle to switch it off, let it go, walk away, I’ve fought so hard and for so long all my life. With myself, with others, with oppression, with the world that I clearly thought revolved around me and my pain. I don’t want to fight anymore, I feel my body aging quicker, I feel my body trying to pacify me by giving myself a huge pain in my head that doesn’t go away unless I calm down and kill it with painkillers. I don’t want to keep doing it, so I cut myself off from everything that can trigger me, bit sometimes things leak through and sometimes I can’t block the world out completely.
I’ve always considered myself to be a revolutionary in fact, what kept me going through all of what I went through is that the worlds going to change eventually. Something big will happen. People are going to say enough soon and rise up in union to take down the government and the corporations. Groups like anonymous and zeitgeist used to really excite me, actually they still do. Because it was all about the real truth, opening your eyes to what’s going on, what the government don’t want you to know. This is bordering on tin foil wearing hat crazy which goes hand in hand with stoner’s, but it was more about the people coming together to fight the number one enemy. I used to say to everyone that listened, I want to die fighting for a cause, I’d rather die then give in, I’ll happily receive their torture while they make an example of me because I refused to accept their reality!
What I’ve learnt though is that there is no just one correct way, there’s too many people, too many variables. Who do I want to be known as? Someone who values justice over mercy? Or mercy over justice? Do I believe people should be killed when they destroy lives in murder or rape or child abuse? I used to, but this was all in the name of peace which means that if I were to kill someone who killed someone, for the cause of peace, am I then a hypocrite? Because killing in the name of peace is a contradiction.
This confuses my brain so much because I was always so sure where I stood. But in that same token I was still far from the person I wanted to be. So it leaves me confused as to where I stand when I still feel just as strongly about the issues I did back then.
But the reality is I can’t change the world, not by getting angry anyway. I can do my best to be the change I want to see in the world (Ghandi quote). I will always try to be a good person, even though I will probably make loads of mistakes. I will always try to see the point of view of all people and to treat everyone equally. I will try to help the planet as much as I can by conserving water/power, recycling, still eating meat but researching where it comes from first, and buying from local butchers over big chain stores, supporting local companies by trying to buy Australian made, using registers instead of the self serve so people can still have jobs, and last but not least. I am not going to push my opinions on to people, I will try to lead by example and hopefully inspire those around me through my actions.
I am a humanist, I am a revolutionary in my own right, I have revolutionised my life in so many ways. And to all the Muslims out there, getting shamed, getting judged, #illridewithyou if that tag still exists.
I have a lot of reasons to judge a whole gender by the actions of a fair few, but I will not stoop to that level.
I refuse to judge a whole majority of people based on the actions of a minority.
Peace is a HUMAN right.