After yesterday’s commando style rant at myself, I sat down with Mister and really talked about it. Looks like I over looked the fact we are in a 1 year contract with our lease. And if we break it then we would still be paying the rent till the contract ended anyway, plus fees. Or something like that. I don’t know, but in a way I’m slightly relieved because I don’t want to leave this place. This is the first lease I’ve ever had my name on, we are in such a cool little 2 bedroom unit with everything in close walking distance, I love this place. But I have to really implement some changes.
I used beeps reward system today but I think I sort of changed it up a bit. It’s a to do list but with reasonable expectations. And I have it clearly listed what rewards I’m going to get for it, chocolate, coke and gaming! I’ve decided it’s time to stop using the excuse of I can’t afford a gym membership not to exercise. We walked last night and are going to continue walking, and when I’m up to it, going to install the zombie app and start running. For those who don’t know what that is, it’s a running app you put on your phone, you have your own music playing but randomly the zombie app will take over your music and warn you of Zombies in the area, complete with encouragement and sound effects to run or you will get eaten. It also takes over your gps and shows you on the map where the safe point is so you know once you reach it you can stop running. No, I don’t want no boring track progress app, it has to be a game for me or I will lose interest. I also had to bite the bullet and invest in a proper sports bra, got fitted for it and everything. Didn’t realise how big the twins are, I’m sitting between a double D and E cup. Geez, no wonder I’m gaining a hunch in my back.
The other thing that’s important, to both my money and my health is quitting smoking again. I know this seems like I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself but I’m not doing it cold turkey. Our new e-cigarettes are being shipped over as we speak, should be here by the end of the week. I still have my nicotine oil from our last ones, so I’m not quitting everything properly. I’m merely replacing smoke with vapor. My old one used to look like the main header one, but my new one is gonna look like this one, but red:
It’s pretty cool, and the best part about it is you can replace all the parts in it and swap and change, plus you can buy updated parts as the model is updated. Vaping has come a long way since I did it 2 years ago.
I’m pretty fucking sick of the bad rep this product has been getting, mainly because of the tobacco companies. I mean think about it, they’re going to plant the seed of mistrust and scepticism everywhere about vaping. Just imagine if every smoker switched to vaping, there would no longer be a need for them. What a bullshit argument to say that there’s more harmful chemicals in vaporiser oil then there is in real smoking. Stupid argument. It’s fucking chalk and cheese, one is smoke and one is vapor. I can’t argue this point though as I have no chemistry degree nor did I do well at it in school, but I can get the gist of the evidence provided so here’s some links that best explain that point further:
The only thing I can argue about is the sheer ignorance that spawns from the mouths of the people who don’t understand addiction. This argument shits me no end, about everything actually, alcoholics, smokers, junkies, gambling addicts. If you haven’t been addicted to something, then good for you, here’s a big fat fucking badge indicating your superiority over the rest of us. Done with the rewards ceremony, good. Now shut the fuck up. I don’t have any issue with people who don’t have addictions, it’s a good thing, it really is. But you don’t fucking understand, also remember that. What makes you truly ignorant is when you say something doesn’t exist or is a weakness because you personally have not experienced it yourself. You have no idea what it’s like to be at the mercy of a substance or an action. I do not wish that anxiety on anyone. Because when you crave something so bad, you lose yourself entirely, it’s like there’s a chemical in your head telling you that this is what you should be doing, or you feel like doom. Like something terrible will happen. But once you’ve eased it you can think clearly again, rationally, and then all the shame and regret comes flooding. But once you are in that mind frame of craving, you are no longer you, you are barely human, your instinct is to fill the void no matter what cost.
If you have not experienced this, be thankful, not judgemental. Because you don’t have a clue about addiction, it’s almost impossible to understand it if you’ve never been there. But it is possible to show empathy, because shaming people does exactly what it’s title suggests. Making people feel terrible about themselves so they turn to the addiction that they use for comfort. And that’s exactly what smoking is to some, a comfort. We aren’t stupid, we know what it’s doing, but it soothes us. Do you know how bad it feels to know the one thing you get pleasure out of is doing a lot of harm to your body? Shaming makes the problem worse not better! You aren’t shaming because you care, you’re shaming because you don’t agree with an action that you cannot fully comprehend!
Just imagine if you could get the feeling without the physical harm. That’s exactly what an e-cigarette was made for! This is the best alternative for people, there shouldn’t be a backlash against this! Because I don’t want to quit, but I don’t want to die either.
I watched this guy review some vaporisers to pick the best one for me, he is doing an awesome thing for people.