I realise it’s like only the 6th today but whatever, half the time with everyone being in different timezones, most are all behind and celebrate holidays a day late (except for New Zealand). So I thought fuck it, I literally do not give enough of a shit about this holiday to post it on the correct date.
It’s kind of ironic though that 2 days after Vday in 2014 was the day I met mister. I was living down near a beachside in Melbourne with brother, his abusive alcoholic gf, his 2 sons and Z (who I wrote about in Letters To Young Men Past). I had met someone online about a week before Vday and I thought he was ok, I mean he had a cat that he was weirdly obsessed with and he was quiet but tried to be funny. Oh well, clearly that didn’t work out. We had made plans for Vday after seeing each other twice. He ended up saying on Vday, through text, about an hour before he was meant to pick me up (what a fucking romantic) he didn’t want to see me again because I was an attention whore (I got too many likes on this one selfie on facebook), he didn’t like the fact that I smoked, and, wait for it, couldn’t accept my past, he couldn’t trust me because of all the things I’ve done in my past that I told him about.
Now before you start saying, Kim, you aren’t supposed to tell potential partners stuff like that on the first few dates. I disagree. The thing is, the honeymoon stage of an relationship, is where you start finding out all the things and building up a comfort around that person then bam! Instant arsehole and people don’t understand why that happens. I always told people I was meeting all the main shit straight up, because I don’t like fucking around, a lot of heartbreak can be saved if you are just honest at the start. Tell them how it is, then if they choose to stay they have no right to be bitter because they didn’t know that your personality was shittier then they thought it was going to be. People say they value honesty. It’s a fucking lie. They like truth that’s dipped in rose tinted paint. They like the positive end of the truth, the truth that doesn’t suck. So if you’re meeting someone from a dating website, because I guarantee every last fucker will have I like honesty as a key component of their relationship resume, test them on it and give them a slice of real truth pie. The shitty truth, if you make it past the second date then you managed to get a person that yes indeed values honesty. There you go, relationship advice by Kim. Your welcome.
Anyway, that comment stating he couldn’t trust someone with a past like that, fucking stung man. It hurt. Because whether you are proud of your past or not doesn’t change the fact that that’s where you came from. That wasn’t just one version of who you were, that was all of them. Everytime you ever rebuilt yourself, challenged yourself, you changed and you turned from who you were to who you are, and you always make that change. That’s why it’s almost impossible to define who you are because as you get older you always change, time moves forward not backwards, no matter how you feel you are still moving forward, it’s just inevitable. So to be told that someone doesn’t like your past, is like saying I don’t like your journey or who you were, I don’t care about what you went through because it’s just unpleasant for me to think about. So fuck you, I’m not willing to accept you, I’m just going to judge you for it.
It was a painful Vday to say the least, not that Vday’s were that great for me to begin with. Because either I was single or I was with stupid boys that had no money and gave no fucks for the holiday. Plus, unpopular in school and the weird kids get a lot of Vday shit. So I was never showered with cards, chocolates or roses. I sat alone in my room that night, crying my heart out, thinking that it was time to give up the search, it had been 2 awful years of slutting around, having my very soul crushed by all the meaningless sex, all the heartless men. Plus the 2 years before that spent in utter misery and depression getting over the breakup with my ex who I thought I’d be married to. Little did I know that mister had come from an hour away to sit on the beach a km away from my house to wallow in the loneliness with a bottle of scotch and some doobies.
Two days later I was back on POF (Plenty Of Fish) preparing to delete my account, I’d had enough, I was set to give up the search. I should note that my one tactic that helped me weed out shitheads was a drawing I put up in amongst my photos:
I put it up because any guy with half a brain and half decent personality would go, sick Xenomorph, and start a conversation with that. I didn’t converse with men who started with hey babe I like your photos. For the record, it didn’t help that much for 2 years but ended up helping in the long run. Anyway, POF had this system where you could just do a this person wants to meet you thing without having to initiate a conversation. I saw mister had done this with me about a week ago, I hadn’t been on POF for that time out of respect for the person I had seen on 2 occasions. When I viewed his page I noticed that he had up a lot of his own drawings. I started a conversation with your drawings are cool, and mister said I inspired him to put up drawings of his own because of my Xenomorph. He later admitted that if it weren’t for the Xenomorph then he wouldn’t have tried at all. So we talked about art products for 2 hours and the rest speaks for itself.
So why do I say fuck Valentine’s Day? Because I still loathe everything about the holiday. Because even though I met the love of my life around Vday, doesn’t erase years worth of pain and heartache associated with the day. Plus, whatever time of the year I met mister wouldn’t of mattered in the slightest, it was just ironic that we met in that time, ironic we were basically in the same place doing the same thing, crying and hoping we would find somebody, ironic that we both went on POF at the same time that day. Vday holds no meaning to us as we already show how much we care for each other everyday, we don’t need a holiday to give us an excuse to do that.
Not that Vday has ever been just a day to show the one you love that you really love them by doing nice things. Cmon, that isn’t what this holiday is about. It is merely an excuse to spend money on meaningless shit. Because in our culture, nothing says I love you like a whole bunch of stuff that gets bought for you. There is not one single holiday that holds any purpose or meaning other then to spend up big in the shops. But at least most holidays started as a celebration for their cultural significance. Can any of you actually sit there and justify the meaning behind the holiday of Vday? I know I couldn’t so I just had to go look it up. All I read was a vague history stating we just know it’s about love and romance on this day due to some saint named Valentine who we aren’t really sure who he actually was. Then it has links going into saint Valentine properly. But do they teach you this shit in school if the holiday is so fucking important? Nope, because it’s just a vague ideology to warrant the purchase of cutesy, shitty products to show your loved one how much you love them.
An excuse for every couple in the world to get gross, even though they could just even it out over every day. It’s also a valid reason for depression for those who want love but can’t find it. And that what makes me angry. It’s just a holiday based off a certain part of society being more well-off in some way. And all those that don’t fit into societies norms (which is be in couples by the way so you can reproduce) well, fuck you. You can just sit here and let the loneliness sink in while everyone else flaunts their happiness all around you. Oh and to those people in couples who don’t have the money to treat your loved one, let’s drive a huge wedge in there so your gf can compare herself to every other woman in the area getting roses and chocolates and she will just feel shit, unloved, because you can’t afford to buy her all the things so that she knows that she is loved! Can no one else see how fundamentally sick this is?! It’s a holiday that simultaneously makes you feel shit about being single and poor!
Why not make a holiday called Rich Day where the rich get a celebration for all the hard work they did becoming rich. Sounds stupid? I don’t think so, it’s the same fucking thing. There’s a minority that did all the right things to deserve all that money so they deserve that celebration, while everyone else feels like shit around them because they don’t have all that money. Valentine’s Day is a celebration of happy couples who can afford to splurge on nice things, while the rest feel shit around them for reasons I described in paragraph above. Another similarity between Vday and Rich Day is there is absolutely no real meaning behind either of them, but it’s a great excuse for the greeting card companies to capitalise off all the hype for meaningless holidays by giving them bullshit value. I’m sure there’s a Christian/Roman wealth saint you can name the rich holiday after then, then give some vague reason why celebrating money is important.
FUCK VALENTINES DAY! If you are in a couple and you want to celebrate it, cool, but for fuck sake, can’t you just be grateful that you even have someone to do it with? Because all around you will be single people dying inside, having to deal with all the bullshit hype leading up to and on the day. It’s not fucking fair to them. You don’t need a holiday just because you are in a couple, think about it, it even sounds fucking silly. In all reality if you are a couple every day should be valentine’s Day for you.
Show some empathy towards the lonely people. There is no singles day, so couples everywhere, you don’t need the validation either.