I thought I’d tie this post in with pictures from one of my favourite films ever, Smiley Face. I named the post after a line in the movie where Jane’s acting agent calls her the night before her Audition and asks her the line ‘well do you, do you actually give a shit?’ and Jane’s response was ‘I give a shit’. I thought it was appropriate considering the hell storm of a week I’ve had.
I had another decent gap in posts again, but this time I’ve had a good reason. We’ve spent the whole manically cleaning because we had a house inspection sprung on us. Just got through it about an hour ago and I am fucking tired, I’ve been pushing my natural limits of effort this week.
The real estate sent me an email on Monday night and this was also the week that mister started going back to uni. I received the email after we had gotten back from shopping, it was a good day because mister got his student grant from the government so we could pay rent easily and get a few things for ourselves. The one thing I got for myself was a dot to dot adults book, you know, follow from number one all the way to the 300s and it draws a picture, colouring books are not my thing. I was so happy I got it, so returning home to get that email after all the good was happening was pretty fucking bullshit as you can imagine. That book got me through the week that’s for sure, I’d use it as a break so I could just sit down, do a dot to dot and get back into it.
All I wanted to do was sit the fuck down and do anything else aside from clean this week, but I barely had a chance. But at least I can sit here now in my really clean lounge room and write this post. I mean, I’ve wanted the house properly cleaned for a long while now and now it is.
I don’t usually clean but when I do it’s because I’m hypomanic and I obsess over one corner of one room.
To get all that done if you had seen the state of it and you knew me well, you’d have pretty unsure thoughts on whether I was capable of achieving what I have, and I wouldn’t blame you. I pushed myself so hard I’m running on short nights of sleep and delirium. My brain actually hurts.
But fuck I’m relieved it’s over. I am gobsmacked at myself considering everything. And I cared enough to keep pushing myself.
I gave a shit, I give a shit.
Now all I have to do is continue to give a shit.