So, I initially thought I would go on here to write a post explaining my absence and all that, yada yada yada.. But then I thought fuck it, I’ll update on what’s going on but I don’t need to justify how regularly I post when it’s just a hobby. If it were a paid job I’d have at least 2 months left in me of daily posting… (obscure reference about my inability to hold a job for longer then 4 months on average). So yeah.
Speaking about my inability to hold down a job, that reminds me that I had one of my ‘stock up the personal pharmacy’ appointments with my doctor yesterday. I told him that the medication I’m on may be controlling my mood but it’s still making me feel mind numbingly flat as well as unmotivated and lazy. I told him that at this point in time I’m showing more symptoms of ADD then BPD, inability to hold down a job, bored quickly, can’t stick to one task for very long, random bouts of energy that last for a couple of hours then stop. My doctor agreed with me and also added that it’s probably why I’ve also had such adverse reactions to medication, like the Effexor Xr. But he also said he’s not really comfortable with diagnosing me and prescribing me ADD/ADHD medication as hes just a doctor and not a psychiatrist, which is fair, he’s seen me get used as a human pill tester for years with other psychs at Headspace and doesn’t want to be like that. So he ended up casually suggesting that he write another referral to my 8th psych because fuck it, shits and giggles. I told him that the last psych he referred me to compared to that of a forced puzzle with pieces missing and that the best thing I could do for myself would be to grow up.
After telling him this information my doctor kind of gave me this expression;
(this gif is super hillarious because my doctor looks similar to House, in age and appearance)
He then proceeded to tell me that some of his other clients reported back to him saying that she was ‘not too mean’, and that he was still trying to think about me. And that’s cool, because I genuinely do have a doctor that cares about me. Who’s seen me pretty well regularly since I was 17, who’s seen me in the very worst of my years. Not many can say that they have a doctor who would clear time in their schedule to see you because you’re now their regular patient. Who always asks how I’m doing and still remembers old family situations and fights even after so many years as well as the amount of patients he’s sees on a regular basis.
I’m fucking lucky and I’m in no way sugar coating the enormous amount of difference it makes to get better with a really good doctor. So, shout out to my doctor, he’s a rarity and I’m lucky to have him on my side. 👍 👍 👍 👍 👍
Aside from that I’m deffinetly moving again, for reals this time. I already wrote about it in a previous post. Back when I wrote that blog I had to come to terms with the fact that I had to leave this flat, and I was incredibly depressed and angry at myself for it.If you want to read depressing blog ‘No Escape Route’ then click here.
It’s been a couple of months since I had to come to terms with the fact we’ve had to move, neither of us got a job so it’s not like our situation changed, I just tried to deal with the lack of money situation. But I’ve gotten to the point where I’m thinking fuck it (reference back to Sid Vicious fuck you gif),
I’m so fucking sick of living with nothing, even if the place is big. This isn’t even the area I originally wanted to be in. We want to be north of the city, not south. And if we have to cut a bedroom and go up a floor, and the cats have to deal with being inside cats for a while then so be it. It’ll probably be a year max that they have to stay inside, it won’t kill them.
So I’m excited. Excited at the different opportunities we will have up that end of the city and excited about having to get rid of stuff. For the next few weeks we will be organising getting out of contract for lease, looking for somewhere else to go, and manically cleaning and culling our stuff. It’ll be therapeutic, completely de-cluttering everything, I’m looking forward to it.
Since I want to keep my punk theme going I’ll end this post with a song that fits perfectly, and excites me simultaneously.