Weird Movies for the Weird Minorities #1

I’ve always liked discussing movies. Part of me really wants to be a reviewer, but then I realised that I’d probably get a lot of hate for my opinions. Why? Because I don’t like Hollywood blockbusters, I think they’re pretentious, bland and all the same. But my movie taste is so obscure, my humour too weird and at times gross so, mainstream reviewing is out of the question. So this is going to be my new theme series (it won’t be every post either) now it’s just my followers that get to see me attempt to write about obscure movies I’ve never seen anyone write about.

Zombie Ass: Toilet Of The Dead

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Yeah, it’s a real movie, a shit movie, so much pun intended right there.

My oldest brother (who heavily influenced my taste in music and movies) saw this film at a Horrorfest which is a movie festival in Australia where they just show upcoming indie horrors, international horrors with also a few classics added in there.

My oldest brother is strange, very intelligent, but weird. Not in a creepy way, but more of an endearing one. Zombie Ass pretty well had everything that he likes in a film; zombies, gore, parasite ass worms, fart jokes, toilet jokes, ass jokes and just over the topness.

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(These subtitles are also very real too, these are real lines in the film)

These types of Japanese horror films, unlike their popular counterpart ‘Ringu (The Ring)’ or ‘Ju-on (The Grudge)’ these films only have a minority of the fan base of horror. Everything about this movie is so highly offensive in an ‘ewww gross’ kind of way. It took about 2 years after my brother saw it at Horrorfest to finally even download just the Japanese version, then my brother managed to get a copy of the script, put it all through google translate to use as subtitles. This was how I watched it, with very, very broken subtitles, making this movie even more confusing and hard to follow. In about 2013 I randomly walked into an alternative movie store in the city and lo and behold, in their horror section it was there, 2 copies of it. I rang my brother who conveniently lives in the city, and he came down and bought a copy, then bought me the other copy, because obviously I was/still am the bestest sister ever for finding it.

The cover of this film is pretty misleading. The title is Zombie Ass where in all reality, the zombies that are in it are not really in scenes for long, and the movie itself is not really about the zombies at all. I guess the toilet of the dead refers to a particular scene where mean model chick is going to the toilet in a random village, and a zombie comes out of the toilet to grab her (the way the shot it is a bit fetishy too). But otherwise, the storyline doesn’t centre so much around zombies, toilets or shit, even though there’s quite a lot of it in it.

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So what the fuck could this movie be about then if it’s not about shit or zombies? Well, I’ll try explain this silly plot.

So at the start of the film, there are two different stories happening between the characters. First scene is you witnessing a child being injected by the thick needle to the butt by a scientist which is also her father. He then grabs a zombie and beats it in the stomach till it vomits up a giant white parasite. He then proceeds to make the child eat it, saying that she needs it to get better and other things like that.

Next scene introduces you to the main characters story. So the main girl Megumi (who for some reason even decides to go camping with her friend and others still wears a school uniform throughout the whole film), got convinced to come camping with her close friend (?) Aya and boyfriend Take and other girl friend Maki and other guy friend Naoi to go camping. The purpose of the camping is so Maki, who is a model, can find a tape worm. The reason she wants one is that she believes that if she eats it it will keep her slim and vibrant.

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In the first scene of being introduced to Megami, we get thrown into a memory, which vaguely explains to us what Megami’s deal is. The memory shows Megami standing and over seeing her sister getting bullied by a group of girls in a high school bathroom. The bullies had a jar full of creepy, crawly bugs and were taunting Megami’s sister with them, trying to get her to fart out loud. For some reason, farting is considered the most disgusting, vile and degrading thing in this movie. I’m not sure whether it’s a cultural thing or not or just the director being really silly. The bullies were also trying to convince Megami to fart too, so they’d let her sister go or they’d torture her with the bugs as well, one of Megami’s fears are bugs. But her sister refused to let Megami do that for her and instead makes the sacrifice and farts in front of the group. Being so racked with shame by farting in public, Megami’s sister kills herself. Thus making Megami a whiny and pouty character at the start that ends up turning into a karate badass.

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(Most Japanese gore film protagonists, as a rule are usually teenage girls in high school. Or females that have been through hard life situations in general.)

So anyway, they get to their destination, Maki eats a worm and instantly gets sick and turns into a parasitic worm zombie. Then they end up in the same town with the people from the start and that’s when the plot stops making any sense whatsoever, and ends up going on this crazy tangent which leaves you with a ‘what the fuck did I just watch’ feeling at the end. Except that what the fuck did I just watch feeling would be 100x more intense because I guarantee you, if you have not seen anything in this genre then it is far beyond the plain of things that normal people consider entertaining.

I’ll just sum up the rest of the film in 3 pictures, even then those photos won’t even begin to explain the level of insanity, immaturity and disgustingness that the second half of this movie is:

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Hehe, no doubt the Human Centrepede would’ve inspired this film, at least a little bit.

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Awww, in the end she accepts her sisters death and faces her fear of farts head on. By using her farts to propel herself into the air like a jet pack. Not kidding. Not even a little bit.

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Yeah, I don’t know how to explain this but it’s relevant.

But by far, the best thing for me about this film would have to be the subtitles. Either the person who wrote the original script is awesome or the person that translated it to English is awesome. Either way, it’s the best to read. And out of all the characters, Naoi has all the best one liners, his character doesn’t really have any reason to be in the movie at all, other then comic relief.

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So, I give this movie a 5 out 5, but I recommend to no one. This movie is weird, it’s gross and offensive, I only recommend it if you’re into poop and fart jokes with your gore.

So, in the end I can’t really tell you why this movie exists, what its even about or what the message is that the director was trying to portray.

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All I know is, this movie is best watched with the reasoning side of your brain switched off.

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