You Know What Really Grinds My Gears – Rebooting Old Movies

Yes, this post is mainly inspired by the new Ghostbusters reboot. Even saying that sentence sounds gross.

But it’s not just Ghostbusters that gets a reboot these days, heaps of movies have been rebooted all the way up to the late 90s, or earlier (can’t remember when the reboot of Alfred Hitchcocks Psycho happened, if you haven’t seem that then just don’t, Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates, don’t think I need to add any more to that), and it’s only grown as a trend since then.

Originality? None here, chop. (Watch the movie Chopper)

I cannot honestly think of one rebooted movie that was better then the original, not that any fan would ever give it chance. But can you blame them? Rebooting a movie cheapens the experience of the old one, and it’s nothing more then a way to squeeze out all the cash that they can out of a franchise that’s already popular. That’s totally weak man. Hollywood directors get paid a fuck tonne, obviously originality doesn’t pay the same way as it used to.

The new ghostbusters trailer though, almost blew up YouTube for a day. That video has almost triple the amount of dislikes then it does to likes, so it’s safe to say that the people fucking HATE this idea. And I can’t blame them for that. You can’t just all of a sudden take away every character that made the movie what it was and replace it with a bunch of female characters. It’s so fucking dumb, if that was their way of trying to show some sort of female empowerment then it completely backfired because now people hate the movie because of the all female cast, not because they ripped out the guts of a major motion picture and stuffed it full of gross and is just a shit movie regardless.

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Hollywood officially backtracked the feminist movement by 10 years. You can’t just expect to be able to completely change something someone loves and expect people to accept it. If you wanted to have females in the cast then that’s fine, but there are so many ways they could’ve incorporated the idea better. Such as, I don’t know, a team of both genders working side by side equally as a team. Because by having an all female cast, just like an all male one implies that that specific gender is superior, hence the lack of opposite gender. The message of feminism isn’t to gain power over men, it’s to be equal, this reboot does a great job at shitting all over that principle and making more negative attention towards feminism.

Theres a new sub genre of horror that has always been floating around, but it really took off in the last 15 years, French Extremist films. Yes, it is exactly what it sounds like, really disturbing, gory, brilliant, unique films made by the French. Pretty well everyone that isn’t Hollywood knows how to make a good, original movie. Some of my favourites included Inside, Martyrs, In My Skin and High Tension. I was disappointed to find out that America had rebooted Martyrs because obviously reading subtitles is hard, and the French make superior horror films over Hollywood.

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(This is the French original cover, if you love fucked up movies I highly recommend this one, it has everything you want in a film, very interesting concept)

But Martyrs isn’t the only horror film that has been rebooted, there were others that shouldn’t of been touched but did anyway; Halloween (fuck you Rob Zombie), The Ring, The Grudge, I Spit On Your Grave, Evil Dead, Shutter, Carrie, Funny Games, Psycho, these are only the ones I thought of up the top of my head, if I went on google I could give you the complete list of rebooted horror films, but that would probably need a whole post in itself to get through the giant list…

The one that pisses me off the most on that top of my head list has got to be Evil Dead. Why????????????? I fucking love the original so much, it was the first horror movie I ever saw at 9 and I fucking shat my dacks! It was scary as fuck back then, and when I grew up I realised it was hilarious and my fan girling of Bruce Campbell increased. Why Sam Raimi, why did you have to give the script to some teen scares director wanker? Why did you have to be such a fucking sell out Sam Raimi, I fucking looked up to you as a director! Such a brilliant, funny, b grade classic that should’ve remained a fucking classic, and because you were such a fucking sellout Sam, they shat all over the memory of it by turning it into a cheap, unoriginal fucking stupid teenagers getting dead stupid… Stupid. It’s stupid, fuck…

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Like seriously what the fuck is this even?! They couldn’t even make the most memorable deadite that heads off one of the most memorable scenes of the movie into something that even looked a bit fucking good and not like every other fucking zombie/demon fucker that Hollywood makes?!!??! RaaaAaaage.

I don’t even think I need to say much about the overwhelming amount of Marvel and DC comic book movies that are being brought out of the super heroes closet and rebooted. The one that pisses me of out of all of them though is Spider-Man. We’ve had; Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2, Spider-Man 3 and I was totally cool with those films, they had plots, they were going in some kind of order, so isn’t the next logical step to make a forth and just continue the franchise? No, clearly I’m just another stupid minority who will get excited over the same rebooted movie, except it’s called ‘The Amazing Spider-Man’ so that must mean it’s completely different….

Fuck you Hollywood, it’s never been about making movies, it’s about making money. And this is why I mainly watch indie and overseas films, because it’s original, because you don’t need explosions and bullshit to make a movie better and the main reason, because indie film makers are making films for the love of it, for art, not for money. And for me the quality and artistic talent of these indie filmmakers really shines through, and I remember the comparison every time I sit down and watch a Hollywood blockbuster. No originality, no passion, no artistic talent, just mind numbing special effects that cheat the viewer into thinking they are watching something substantial when it’s really just as bland, boring and unoriginal as the rest of the films Hollywood produces. Especially. Fucking. Reboots!

Now let me just add something serious here, I haven’t seen Deadpool yet, but I want to see it. Why? Because it sounds like a really well done film. I’m not saying that Hollywood hasn’t produced any film with substance, I’m saying Hollywood has not produced any reboot or sequel with substance. Deadpool, from what I’ve heard sounds like a fairly original film, with thought and research spent looking into the original character and trying to tribute it as much as possible. That’s cool, I have no issues with that. But once it has a sequel, it’ll go from being a really cool film, to a money milking cow that lost its heart.

There are a lot of reboots I haven’t seen due to wanting to keep my memory of the original film intact. So that may make me seem like a bit of a bitch to be so harshly critical without seeing the film. It’s about the principle for me. When it comes to music, DJs remix existing songs all the time and people are always doing covers and there’s no issue with that, but when an artist who is earning lots for being a pop star blatantly steals the beat of a pre existing song only to put their bullshit over the beat, without any credit to the original artist, then fuck you, you’re an arsehole, eg Anaconda by Nicki Minaj which is a blatant rip of Baby Got Back (you know, I like big butts and I cannot lie?).

What Hollywood does isn’t much better. They reboot older stuff so that they grab the attention of the people that grew up with the original, and also the younger people who may not even know that it’s a rebooted movie. And so, just like your memories of old songs (which most tend to get confused between who the original artist was), the original film will be forever replaced by the newer, prettier memories of the reboot. And that’s a travesty in my eyes, the original artist who produced the amazing idea, forgotten and replaced by a soulless, empty reboot.

If you wanted an example of a famous song that is a cover, but everyone remembers as the original. Respect by Aretha Franklin was originally written and performed by Otis Redding in 1965, but in 1967 Aretha Franklin not only covered it, but tweaked it slightly to come from more of a strong female perspective, whereas the original was about a man being devoted to their wife and bringing home the bacon and only wanting a bit of ‘respect’ from his wife when he gets home from work. Aretha Franklin won awards for this song as well as it being her most famous number one hit. It also goes down in history as one of the best female RnB songs of the time. But fuck you Otis Redding, you were only the person who invented the song to begin with…

They rebooted the muppets too. I know I should be angry at this, but the humour is kind of funny. At least they built on the already existing characters and tried to do something new with it. They didn’t just replace all the muppets with new muppets and called it the muppets.

Because rebooting the Ghostbusters and replacing every character that made the movie memorable with a bunch of randoms and still having the nerve to call it Ghostbusters, is kind of like replacing Kermit the Frog with Kevin the Cat.

It’s fucking dumb. We are not fucking idiots Hollywood!

Please always support the original artist, they were they ones who had the talent to come up with a brilliant idea in the first place.

 

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