So the Australian election is coming up, did you know we don’t have a president we have a prime minister? Oh and only 3 parties any votes go to (even though we have like 300 little parties, maybe a slight exaggeration) and that we all have to vote or else we face the grave penalty of, wait for it, $25 fine, for not voting.
So I thought I’d share with you our politics, because of how interesting it is… (Well it used to be when Tony Abbott was eating raw onions, telling the Irish they were all drunks and threatening to shirtfront Vladimir Putin).
So hopefully I don’t piss off any political Aussies on here, and keep in mind this is an explanation of politics from an idiot, who doesn’t really understand how the governments work properly yet (I’m still a 24 year old child, money, news and politics are boring).
As I mentioned before, there are 3 main parties that get voted for, I’d argue there was only 2 but the 3 we have are Liberal, Labour and the Greens. It used to be pretty straight forward, left wing, right wing and the dirty hippies. You only time people vote for the greens is because; they’re a stoner, they’re a hippie, they don’t know anything about politics, they know a lot about politics and want to help the environment, or… Because there is literally no better option by election time. The Greens never make it in though, they’re like the appeasal party for the alternatives.
So I guess I’ll just mention the main 2;
Labour – Bill Shorten
You best believe I wasn’t going to put a serious picture up of this beautifully expressionate man. The Labour Party was originally meant to be for the family’s, unemployed or minimum wage workers. It’s about trying to look after the struggling people. All good things yeah? But the thing is the economy is a fluctuating thing, and Labour Party is terrible at managing finances, because they like giving money to the poor like the new age Robin Hood. But again, a capitalist system can’t function properly like that, hence why Labour doesn’t really get into power too often, because when they have they really fuck up royally when it comes to money. Also, they’re quite happy to shaft their own members in the back if they aren’t popular, look at both Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard (a long complicated story that I don’t really know that well).
Liberal – Malcom Turnbull
He’s a pretty rich, smug mother fucker. But at least he’s not Tony Abbott, and it was at least funny when they shafted Abbott to put Malcom there because of Abbott being so hated by everyone. They spent years critisizing labour for doing that, in fact it was that tactic that made liberal win, even with such a fuckhead as the leader. And now they had to do the same thing, haha. Liberal is the party for the workers. No one is equal, if you work harder, if you are a doctor or something, then you deserve more then a common factory worker. That’s liberals motto.
So I voted last election, and this’ll be my second year. I also mentioned there were like a fuck tonne of little parties. Well, you have the option of voting singular people from those parties onto the bench, that’s probably the closest way you can get to actually voting for who you want to vote for.
Thats why we have an above the line and below the line system. Above the line is like 10 choices you number the way you want to, below the line is every party choice with a box for your number, then you have to painstakingly remember which order to put the numbers. Because if you vote above the line, if you are not voting labour or liberal then your vote is pointless because the smaller parties all have preferences, so if you don’t know what they are you may vote Sex Party for example (real party, no joke), you may end up voting for liberal even if you didn’t want to because you didn’t check their preferences. If you want the little people at least be able to vote on ideas (which is about as much say as you yourself can get through voting) then you have to take those couple of hours research on the parties and vote below the line. If you’re in Australia and want to vote below the line this election, I will provide a link to a service that puts the party in your order of preference, then prints out the exact ballot paper with the numbers filled in so all you have to do is print it out and copy it onto the real ballot paper.
Now you can officially say, I voted in the best way I could. You’re welcome.
So yeah, that’s what I’ll have to do soon, yay! Think my vote will be the same as last year, Sex Party, Pirate Party, then the rest of them lol the website will figure it out.
One thing I am grateful for though is that our country is not effected in the slightest by what’s going on in America. Sometimes there’s perks to being part of the Commonwealth, this is one of them.
For now I’ll leave you with some Abbott stupid, it may not be Trump level, but at least it’s somewhat funnier and less scary that this man is leading the country and more like, fuck I wish he didn’t have to keep stirring up the Aborigines.