Just Bein’ Honest

This post was originally going to be about just one subject but then I thought, hey, this is already going to be a pretty unpopular opinion on the subject, so why not write a whole post about my unpopular opinions on a bunch of subjects instead of just one. I realise these opinions may either make or break me on here, and that my stats have been pretty low lately and that this probably won’t help, or will I don’t know yet.

This was never meant to be a personal blog, yet I made it personal because I saw that was what was getting attention in my subscriber group. I didn’t intend to draw attention to my illnesses and life because it’s fucking depressing, and I’ve already got this shit off my chest years ago. I’m finally doing what I wanted the blog to be about; cool stuff I find on YouTube, rants, meaningful opinions, art, music, gaming, theatre, stupid movies, horror, weird stuff… None of that says Kim’s personal life in there as a goal to blog about. But it happened and that’s fine, and I’ve met some amazing friends (Lola/Beeps), it just sucks that all of the people who used to like my stuff stopped, because of that week of absence and that kind of sucks. This is a post of me being honest, that’s how I honestly feel. I don’t belong in the community I began in and that’s ok, I’ve spent my whole life not fitting into groups. It’s really self defeating posting something you want to post and having no views or likes, only to have written a thing tailored for the people reading and it getting all the likes. If you find yourself not liking my new material then I’m sorry but you don’t like who I really am, and after 5 months, 63 subscribers and over 60 posts written, I’m not prepared to write stuff that appeals to the masses. I’ve always been a tiny part of the minority, and I’m not changing my writing style or topics, I believe there has to be people like me on here and I’ll find them or they’ll find me.

So that’s my first bout of honesty about my own thoughts about my blog. The next are going to probably piss you off. Keep in mind though I am from Australia, I am female, I am short with e cup sized boobs, I am socially impaired, I’m opinionated, but uneducated, I am a victim of sexual/physical/emotional abuse as well as a traumatising rape incident where they broke my arm and left me in a gutter at 11 years old, I am part of a wide group of minorities who still get treated like shit. In this country though we don’t have the same issues America or other nations. We are small, our natives got culled generations and generations ago, so even though we have native Australians, it’s not the same issue as the Native Americans, so yeah, the black thing isn’t really an issue here. Racism is still an issue though don’t get me wrong but that’s against immigrants, not the people already in the country. The government looks after the remaining Aborigines, even one of our MPs decided to apologise to them on Australia’s behalf so that’s nice. Our country may be somewhat accepting of mental illness but it doesn’t excuse you from not being able to work. Our rape culture is pretty bad but it seems that way everywhere anyway. Oh another thing I should add is we don’t all get guns. Only people proven sane and responsible with money get guns. And even if you used one in self defence and you had a license for it, you’d still get in trouble. It’s much more stabby over here though, you’re more likely to get shanked. Keep all of these points from this paragraph in mind when you read my opinions.

I don’t like the concept of trigger warnings when they’re put on an obviously labelled title. I guess I feel this way because I’m so numb to sex and violence now it just doesn’t trigger me at all, in fact, it does the opposite. I got severely fucked up in a different way. Even then, there are people in poverty in other countries, women getting circumcised not to mention the atrocities that our soldiers would have to experience, but people are that sensitive over here that I need to put up a trigger warning just for writing about any of it? If life is that traumatising that you can’t just read something that doesn’t have anything to do with you without relating it back to yourself? What are you even doing on the internet then? It’s probably the worst place for you to be. I think if you’ve rated your blog or channel or page a mature rating which I believe you can, then can’t you be adult enough to handle adult themes? The world is going so soft soon we will have no idea how to fend for ourselves if something happened. It’s not up to everyone else to protect you from being triggered. I read shit that offends me all the time, but it’s still the right of the writer to write anything they want. Freedom of speech above all else, and trigger warnings are a scary little way of censorship in my eyes.

I hate the fact I have to back up my opinions with my past of mental illness and sexual abuse just so the person reading would even think about taking my opinion on board. This has been grinding on me with a few certain people and blogs, all of whom I haven’t seen in ages so they probably unsubscribed. Because your mentality is that if you don’t have a mental illness then you’re not empathetic and you also have no idea what it’s like to feel these ways. I’m sorry but that’s backwards hypocrisy. You expect understanding and acceptance from people without mental illnesses, you don’t want to be defined or judged by your illness yet in the same paragraph want it to be known that that is what you are. Mental illness exists, and it sucks, and it’s hard, but there are perks to it which, be honest, deep down we like to use to our own personal advantage at times. You know, the times you get angry unreasonably and at the time it gives you the excuse to blast the innocent party and then can conveniently blame a mood swing. Again, I’m in no way saying everyone does this, and that mental illnesses can’t be incredibly destructive, it can, but at the same time a lot of the time disorders are managed when you stop putting emphasis on the illness and start thinking about the reasons why it happened. It’s also a really good excuse to be a cunt, it gives you an excuse to not think before you speak, and although you may see that as honesty, could you imagine a world where everyone blurted out whatever was up the top of their head? It’s already happening now, general politeness is a responsibility that everyone needs to have. Grow up to the real world, we all wear masks, we all put on what we want others to see, we are all fake, the ones that love you will always accept the real you, that doesn’t mean that the rest of the world has to. Plus, doctors really don’t have that much knowledge on mental illness, there aren’t really any physical tests as yet so all they can do is guess essentially from what you’ve told them. Here’s proof that they all have different opinions, I’ll give you my time line of diagnosis, whilst being slightly annoyed that I’m still justifying my opinion;

  • Psych 1 – PTSD
  • Psych 2 – BPD
  • Psych 2 – BPD & Generalised Anxiety Disorder
  • Psych 3 – BPD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder & Major Depressive Disorder
  • Registry of Psychiatry – Bipolar II
  • Psych 4 – BPD & Bipolar II
  • Psych 3 again – BPD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder & Bipolar III (it doesn’t exist it’s just they didn’t know what it was so called it that)
  • Psych 5 – BPD & Generalised Anxiety Disorder

My total med count stands at 25, with 5 psychiatrists seen plus was even discussed by the entire registry, 7 doctors, 6 psychologists, 4 counsellors, 9 social workers. It was all pretty fucking confusing for me, what am I? The psychiatrists haven’t got a clue either that’s for sure. I don’t know what I am, what I do know is that I’m far too complex, difficult and original to be branded with a label and thrown in a group like that. I’m worth more then that. I am flawed, I’ve been broken, but I heal, I can feel happiness, I can experience love, cut me and I’ll bleed. I am human, not BPD, I am me, uniquely flawed and gifted, and as soon as you realise it about yourself, you’ll realise that you are the only one who can set you on the right course of therapy. And everyday for me has been one day forward, one days worth of progress, achieved by me not by any therapist.

Most of the time I hate your children, I’m uncomfortable around them, they’re too breakable, too loud, too annoying. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t dive in front of a bus to save a child’s life, I would, cross my heart. But that doesn’t mean I have to like them. In all fairness it’s not really the child I hate, it’s you parent. After rehearsing a musical for 6 months, 3 nights of the week training hard only to get to performance night to have some crying brat screaming obnoxiously through every quiet scene. I hate you, your baby, your wife, your husband, your parents, your grandparents, every person in your family that formed the timeline to that baby’s conception where you and it existed to fuck up the performance I spent 6 months working on! I have no idea what it’s like to be a parent and I’m cool with that, the good nights sleep, the irresponsibility and the silence, I guess that’ll have to satisfy me for now over the emotional abundance of joy that is a baby (snort). Even though I am not a parent, I do know parents who have respect enough for the world around them to either take the child out of the situation or tell them off for it. I’m not saying get your belt out and beat them black and blue, in fact, I’m not even suggesting using force at all. But for fucks sake is it that hard to just take your child and walk out of theatre?! Not only have you wrecked it for the hard-working performers but you’ve also wrecked it for the audience who paid good money to see some musicals. Don’t play the it’s so hard to be a parent card on me, it’s not like asking for common curtesy is asking for a lot, you are capable of being a parent and being courteous, everyone else is curteous to you every other day in every other situation.

So, this is my last unpopular opinion. I think Americas gun laws are dumb. I think that stopping gun crime by providing people with more guns is stupid logic. And no, it’s not because I’m a tree hugging hippie that thinks guns are weapons and weapons are bad, let’s all go eat tofu. No. I think crazy, emotionally unstable people with guns kill people. Notice how I didn’t say, guns don’t kill people, people kill people. I think that statement is incorrect on a lot of levels, because that suggests everybody who buys a gun is doing so for the intent of killing someone. I believe, from what I’ve learnt through tv that is which is a fairly unreputable source of knowledge but anyway, that the average American buys a gun in case of a house intrusion, because in all fairness to you guys the horror stories of break ins are pretty fucked up over there. So I completely understand the fear. Unfortunately in the laws eyes everyone has to be treated the same, kind of like a classroom situation where one kid fucks up so the rest of the class gets punished just because of that one kid. It’s why need to put warning labels on everything nowadays like peanut butter, warning may contain peanuts. No shit Sherleck, nice save of day Captain Obvious. It’s not the general population that’s stupid, it’s the minority, so because there’s say 25% at least of the world are absolute idiots, the warning labels have to go everywhere just in case. Same with the gun laws except in Americas case it’s a bit more dangerous. Because if everyone has the right to a gun which I’ve heard babbled constititution and all that political stuff, then that means even crazy, irrational psychopaths also have a right to own a gun. And so it’s a never ending gun cycle over there. Your system is flawed for sure, but ours is flawed in a different way. If we hurt someone defending ourselves over with a weapon then we would get in trouble, you’re only allowed to use reasonable physical force. The only time we see guns is at shooting ranges, people going hunting or the shops that only sell guns so licensed, mentally stable people who are in no way allowed to use it as a form of defense. We are only a small country so it’s unrealistic to see our way work over there. Maybe some form of check is recommended. OR IT WONT WORK AT ALL AND AMERICAS GUN LAWS ARE FINE, please don’t yell at me! I guess, you do you America, you do you.

These were all just my deep down being honests and putting myself out there. All these were written without any vicious intent, so if you read it that way then I’m sorry it wasn’t my intention. I guess this post is a test to see how much honesty is really valued.

I love you. Please don’t hate me. 😘

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Just Bein’ Honest

  1. Whew! Feel better, sweetie? That was a righteous rant!

    Your blog is your blog. It’s there for YOU to write about what you want to write about. I understand that whole feeling that you owe your audience something. Some deep, inner epiphany that was hard won and difficult to master – seems like you’ve got to to dig for those, and dig every damned day. Or else. Screw that!

    What can I say? I agree with all your truths.

    Mental health DOES begin at home – and with yourself. You can see every doctor on the planet but if you don’t take the first step yourself, you’ll never climb out of whatever hole your ailments have you in. And yes, I’ve known people who’ve used it as an excuse. If I don’t see them TRY, their excuse doesn’t FLY (personal motto).

    Children…I get that without children the human race would die out. I’m still not convinced that isn’t the way to go. In the meantime, tho, EVERYONE deals with children, not just parents. We’re forced to, as you point out, with the screaming in public scenarios. And yes. Some basic decency and consideration from parents during times like your theatre performance are NEEDED. Love that you want to expose your kids to all these new things, but do you really think a toddler gets it? I’ve shaken my head when watching tourists. People who bring their kids to Europe. Sometimes those kids are babies. WHY? They won’t remember it. They don’t care that there are historic buildings surrounding them. The worst part of it is they forced an entire planeload of people to sit through a long flight with their kid. Both ways. Bad on you, parents. If every adult stood up and began screaming the way kids do on planes I think parents would STOP bringing toddlers on board. C’mon people…let’s unite.

    As for America’s love affair with guns…I grew up there. First time I shot a gun I was 4. My dad kept guns (he was a prize winning shooter on the range) so he made sure I handled guns, used guns, and respected guns. They weren’t hidden away. That’s a mistake a lot of people make. They hide the guns, make them taboo, refuse to talk to their kids about them. If the first time they got a gun they took the whole damned family to a shooting range to learn gun safety and let their little kid PULL THE TRIGGER and feel that kick back and hear that loud report …. Well, I don’t think so many kids would have such curiosity about the damned things. Instead, kids think it’ll be just like their toy guns. Pow-pow. It’s not. Shooting a powerful weapon when you’re little is scary. Putting my basic gun safety rant to the side, let’s just talk about how much Americans love their guns and how weird that is. Americans have this romanticized history in their heads. They always see their founding fathers as these great freedom fighters. They NEVER approach it from the other side and call these men terrorists, which is what they were. No. It’s a romantic fable woven into their history books – and when you grow up in the states, the ONLY history you learn for the first 14 years of your life is AMERICAN history – that the common man can rise up against an oppressive government with a pitchfork and a gun. Maybe that was true 250 years ago, but it’s not true in the days of remote drones. Now they can kill you without leaving their office. So the argument that they’re holding onto their guns to keep their freedoms safe is bullshit. They can’t do it with their guns. Even with their illegal guns sold on the black market. The only thing they’re doing is supplying dangerous weapons in mass quantities. And considering that ANYONE can buy a gun at a gun show with NO background checks whatsoever, well, sometimes it DOES seem that only the crazies have the guns. They certainly have MORE of them than anyone else. It does not. make you. safe. At all. And if American loosened its stranglehold on its people and allowed more of them to travel outside of their borders, more people would realize the gun manufacturers and lobbyists are holding the entire nation to ransom.

    Mm. Sorry for such a long winded comment. You brought up a lot of points I wanted to address.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. No that’s cool, I love hearing your opinions on stuff.

    I don’t understand Americas history, I know South Park episodes explaining basic American history, but every fucking kids cartoon in Australia is American so all the kids here know all Americas holidays. Over here we get taught our whole history which I blogged about on the 25th and we are taught that we were arseholes to our natives but it’s ok because we were all just British convicts anyway.

    As for the guns. Over here you aren’t even allowed to transport them in your car without a lisence, if you accidentally forgot it then too bad, instant arrest. If you have one on you you’ll be treated like a terrorist by our cops. Only farming family’s who hunt get guns, and the rest of the kids don’t need to learn about it because only really good people with sanity and money get guns. Plus we banned toy guns that shot anything, now they’re just toy replicas, our kids play with nerf guns which are like giant colourful foam tank things that shoot foam. Guns are bad, illegal and not worth playing with over here.

    Like

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