POF – plenty of fish. In all reality though it stands for Plenty Of Fuckheads.
It’s funny, when my brother J was living with me and my parents for a year, back when we had dial-up internet (yes, I’m officially old enough to say something that makes me sound like I’m old now), I used to see all his accounts and shit pop up for all the older dating websites which I don’t think exist anymore. That was the first time I learnt what online dating was, and considering the bounce to bounce relationships I was doing all through high school, I never thought in a million years I’d ever actually be on some of these websites myself.
But after the last relationship ended, I was 20, we weren’t in high school anymore to meet anymore potential bf’s, plus I moved into the middle of bum fuck nowhere. But this isn’t actually the place where I started online dating, I guess you’d assume it was there considering it makes sense to use online dating to meet people when you’re in the middle of bum fuck nowhere. But we were only there for 6 months, then we moved down into the suburbs again.
That’s where I started online dating in the suburbs, I just doubled my body weight at that place and looked like a walking marshmallow.
This is important to the things I’m going to give you advice on if you are or plan to start online dating. Understand though that my opinions differ in opposite ways to some.
1. Use Current Photos. I know you looked really good in that one picture that you took of yourself 2 years ago, but if you put it on your profile, especially as your main image then you’re setting yourself up doom straight up. The reason you have forever doomed yourself is because that photo is the expectation you’ve set for yourself of what you’re supposed to look like all the time. I know, I’ve learnt this from experience. Because people want to know who they’re meeting, an honest representation, not what you used to look like but probably won’t ever be able to achieve again because that photo was taken in the PAST and we don’t have a time machine to go back and look like any of what we used to look like. Because if you’re photo represented you as slim, clear skinned, young, gorgeous, and then when you meet them they are double the sized, bit of acne and had some real bad confidence issues, then you’re going to bail on that because that isn’t what you signed up for, no, what you signed up for was that hot chick in the photo, because that’s the type of person you like to go for maybe. You can’t blame people for that, you are essentially lying about what you look like. Always use current shots, be proud of who you are, take lots of photos then there’s a lot smaller a chance of meeting in person shock when you do meet.
2. Write honestly in your About. Now this is where I have a drastically different opinion over a lot of others I’ve talked to, especially men. Such as ‘ew I hate it when I first meet a chick and they’re like I’ve got bipolar and am on medication, instant turn-off’, this my friends is the greatest example of an opinion from a FUCKHEAD, and trust me, you want to avoid fuckheads like this. So blast it loud and proud on your profile, add all the information you think is necessary. Because this isn’t a fucking job interview, this is the person you could potentially spend the rest of your life with. What do you expect to do, land the perfect guy/girl and just drop a bomb of shit a couple of months down the track and expect them to be fine with this? Fuck no, you’re a random on the Internet they invested their emotions in that may not have desired that burden, you’re not someone they’ve known for years and years. It’s not fair either, that’s why in my last (successful) rewrite of my about page on pof I said I was nuts, I said what I wanted, I added every detail so that they only people I spoke to where the ones I knew read all the way through. Make it easy to ask questions about it. It works a lot better as a filter this way (this is the view from a females perspective, understand though men reading this that only 20% of every dating website is actually made up of REAL women, so yeah, unfortunately there are a lot more to choose from and who throw themselves at you when you are female). Again, be proud of who you are, what you look like, embrace your own flaws, believe me it’s pretty sexy.
3. Lower your expectations and open your mind. Anyone that has it in their head that they need a partner with everything they want and they won’t stop looking till they find that. I’m sorry but are you on the same planet Earth that everyone else is on? Because Prince Charming doesn’t actually exist in this reality, or probably in any reality because it’s a stupid concept. Honestly, if perfection means that much to you then stay single, it’ll be way better for you that way, if you honestly won’t settle for anything less then exactly what you want then I don’t believe you should have to. But with that mindset, if you honestly do want a relationship then I’m sorry but you will be forever disappointed. Plus there’s nothing wrong with being single, no shame, everyone has a right to choose what they want. And to the people dating and continuously failing, look at the people you are going for. The moment I stopped chasing something I wanted, and gave someone I normally wouldn’t go for a chance, I found love, no fucking shit, I met Mister on Pof. It’s not impossible to find your match on there it’s just very, very, very hard.
4. Accept the realities of what you’re doing. This is the thing, in my opinion POF is the best free dating website I’ve found, it was set up to find people love, not sex, so you have a better chance at finding serious people who aren’t just dtf on this website then apps/websites like Tindr or the one that starts with S maybe that literally just brain farted it’s way out of my head as I wrote this, because dtf people don’t like reading. But that doesn’t mean you’re fishing real fish here either, no, the bait you’re using to lure is photos of yourself (sometimes even with a little bit of BEWBS showing), and the fish are mainly just swimming fuckheads. And the little none fuckhead fish that are very few and far between will rarely get caught because they have no chance getting to the lure because you’ve already given up, and they have to fight through the fuckheads everyday, and sometimes get mistaken for fuckheads with either one wrong line or too shy to type anything other then hi, fuckheads will most likely NOT put dinner on your table, non fuckheads will. Just remember though that if you really want to find someone, and that’s your only option because you’re like me, completely socially impaired, especially in places that require alcohol, then you can’t give up. And the reality is, you don’t get to find ‘the one’ without trekking through a meadow of manure first. And it’ll hurt, a lot, and you’ll meet the very worst in humanity (I have a count of one fuckhead who stole lots of money off me, and another that raped me when I was in vulnerable state). But you can’t let others bad experiences stop you from trying, you can’t live in fear. I’m an example of an emotionally unstable impulsive person, I was so fucking stupid and to be honest, I’m fucking lucky to be alive and healthy. Don’t do what I did, learn by it and don’t be afraid, that was my experience, not yours.
5. And please to the holiest of fucks, stay safe, don’t be stupid like me. You also need to understand the realities of the Internet as a whole. There’s a lot of fucked up people on it, and I can spout that statement till I’m blue in the face and it doesn’t matter to you younger then me because it’s been drilled into us since back when we had dial-up. You need to understand that the Internet normal people access is the ‘surface web’ which (don’t quote me to the exact line) only makes up roughly 7% of the whole internet, like the tip of the iceberg sitting above water. The rest is the deep web, then there’s a part of that called the dark web. Now, this is a really scary figure, 80% of the deep web is child pornography. If you think the world is bad when you switch on the news, that’s not even the half of it. We are doomed as a species, the sooner we accept this, the easier it is to make the most out of the time we have on this fucked up planet. There is also a Revenge Porn website where you can post photos and personal details such as house addresses and phone numbers for people to find you and ‘revenge rape’ you. This is a real website, POF protects your images from being saved unless it’s screen shotted (otherwise they can’t do much about that), so never, ever, fucking ever, send out photos, not until you trust them. Always meet in a public place, always let someone know you’re going somewhere with someone who could potentially be a murderer or rapist (this is your life we are talking about here, guilty until proven innocent always in this case), and if you like them enough to go to their house, let those same people know the address, and any other details like car lisenseplate and shit. Obviously do this discreetly because it’s not a turn on when someone treats you like a potential murderer. Keep in mind I didn’t do any of this, but as I said, I’m fucking lucky.
Consider these floaties for the pool. I know it seems a bit over paranoid, but if you aren’t a strong swimmer, then floaties are a lot fucking better then drowning.