All I can say about these last 3 days is, holy fuck, what a nightmare. It’s why I haven’t been on, hard to type when you’re completely exhausted due to being kept awake by crippling anxiety.
So, as anyone who reads my blog regularly knows, we inspected a house and fell in love with it. On Monday we waited to hear back, and we did, but it was the real estate going you can’t pay 2 rents at once, and I was like what the fuck?
Because we are breaking a lease you see, we are only entitled to break it due to unforeseen hardship, which was me losing my job. But the contract we signed with our current real estate states we have to be out by the 4th, and if they don’t get anyone in we have to pay half a months rent in advertising costs. Which is reasonable and I was fine with that. What they failed to explain to me properly (because they aren’t great at English) was that if they didn’t get anyone in, we would have to continue paying rent there until they got someone in.
I didn’t understand this properly when I raged out at our agent and told him we would take him to court. We thought all hope was gone for the house. I haven’t felt rage like I did in a while. Like to the point where I was planning on vandalising the lease sign out the front and also admitting myself into a psych ward just so I can have ammunition to take them down. I wanted to hire a hacker to take down there website, all I could think about was destroying their reputation online and taking down their business.
I have a short temper, I see red, most of the time I’m incredibly irrational and I can get fucking angry. But I’m not vindictive, nor am I vengeful because I have a strong sense of morality, and I refuse to let anyone have that much power over me. So to push me to the point where I throw away everything I stand for to literally plot the entire downward spiral of your life, consequences be damned, then you fucked up.
As my other brother J used to tell me; if you’re going to hit me, you better make sure you knock me the fuck down. Because if I get back up, then you’re fucked.
And I don’t like feeling that way, I don’t, so I did the only thing I could do in this situation. I rang mum and asked for help… And she fixed it. The lease goes under her name for the first 6 months just to make sure the rent shit is properly dealt with, and if we prove we can keep up with everything then the lease goes under our name. The real estates cool with this, the landlord is a married couple so one was ok they just needed to talk to their wife. So I’m pretty sure we got it. I think we’re going to be ok.
In all honesty I’m so fucking exhausted, so if this post doesn’t really feel positive or negative it’s because that’s how I’m feeling right now. My brain said no, enough, off time now.
But I’m ok. And again, more music that helps me put things into perspective.