This House Is On More Drugs Than I Am

So, it’s now been officially 2 nights that I’ve slept at the new house, and I swear I keep finding more and more quirks to this place.

Usually when it comes to subjects about housing and me, there isn’t really much to say, I am on welfare payments so therefore it’s not that likely that I’m going to live anywhere special. We will never see a house like this again, I didn’t realise how crazy it was when we inspected it because someone else was living here already so we couldn’t look at it properly. This house is Frankenstein. It started as a little house and then they decided to renovate, and by renovate I mean, they pretty well took 3 different styled rooms and crammed them together. We have 4 different ceiling levels, we have so many steps everywhere because the floors are on so many levels too. The walls don’t match, the floors don’t match, it looks so ratty and yet it all stays together and works well.

This house is old, the first part was built in the 40s, then the next parts were extended in the 80s. And my fuck the person who decided to renovate this house must of been on some serious hallucinogenics, and was clearly an artist and not a builder, because this house is not a house, it is an art piece, and a trip out spot.

Don’t believe me? I’m going to show you ALL the things I bet you’re probably never going to see in a house, and you tell me your theory of what the fuck was going on in the brain of whoever designed this house:

Example 1: You may not be able to see the colour of the skirting board and pattern on the wall, but its metallic blue/grey, METALLIC. And this wall pattern is on 3 out of the 4 walls of this room (this pattern and metallic paint is only in this lower room), like they finished the 3 and were like, ‘shit, ran out of paint’ or ‘this was really hard, fuck it, 3 out 4 ain’t bad’.

If this house had it’s own saying, it would be: Fuck it, good enough. Which is great, because when it comes to cleaning and interior design, that is my sentiments exactly.

Example 2: Our kitchen light is a pool table light. We get to cook under pool table light glow, I mean, what’s the point of having lots of little lights to light these giant rooms, when you can have a line of 4 lights just over the gas stove which is part of the floating island counter top (which is solid marble yet still is cracked). 
Example 3: The bedroom doors are also hallways, because hallways are cool, but doors are also cool. Does this make sense? No. Is there even function to this? No, it’s completely pointless. Is it fucking awesome? Yes, yes it is, because I can officially say I have walked through a hallway and a doorway at the exact same time. Yeah, the bucket list challenge you didn’t even know you wanted to do before you died.
Example 4: This photo was taken straight, this is not an optical illusion because I held the phone on a slight angle whilst taking this photo, the bathroom is on a noticeable slant. It’s like the finished building it, then a day later one half of it sinks into the dirt, and they just though, fuck it, who cares it’s just a bathroom.

Now, this is where my photos get even more weird. Did you notice the hallway wall of mirrors? It’s not the only mirror feature in this house, not by a long shot.

Example 5: In the dining room is a corner of tiny mirrors, we dubbed it the disco corner, because it absolutely trips you out sitting in that corner, and you don’t even need to be on anything to trip out on it.
Example 6: What the fuck is this even, and why is it in the corner of an already trippy enough corner. (I can’t lie though, I did sit in the corner for a good 20 minutes weirding myself out. It feels like the person who designed this house was so fucking high one day after sticking all those mirrors on, he decided to try and build an inter-dimensional travel port, in hopes to contact the 4 other versions of himself he could see in those mirrors.

Here’s some more mirror photos:

Example 7: A clearer picture of the hallway mirrors. Oh, and there’s also a big mirror right at the end of the hallway, in case there wasn’t enough mirrors.
Example 8: So obviously this is enough mirrors in a house now right? This is another mirror feature, but this one also has a light switch that has been painted metallic.
Example 8: Oh come on really? A whole hallway lining of mirrors? Now this is just starting to get silly.

There is one really annoying, illogical feature this house has…

Example 9: This is the light for the bedroom, I have to stand on my toes to reach it, there’s no way I would’ve found it either, that’s way too far out of my range of vision. Lol, short people problems.

But it’s ok though, because…

IMG_0244 (1)
Example 10: The pantry is Kim height, it has toilet seat shaped shelves and it’s circular. Oh, and did I also mention that it’s lined with mirrors? XD XD

I could give you even more examples, but there are just so many other things that are strange about this place, but this post would go forever.

But maybe I might be able to stretch this into a part 2.

Annnnnd I’m going to leave you with a weird song, because trippy house need trippy music played through it:





3 thoughts on “This House Is On More Drugs Than I Am

  1. The copper or bronzed mirrors are SO cool. LOL! Yes, I think you had major trippers in that house! Shame they didn’t finish that cool blue metallic look on the skirting boards. I like the stones inlaid at the edge of the tiles on the floors, too. Does that go all around the room? And the pic of you looking up at the light switch in your bedroom – ROFL! I’ve seen crazy building but really! Who put that in? An eight foot tall tripper? OMG! LOL!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right?! I understand the rest of the house but the light switch is ridiculous. Yeah the stone goes all the way around the room and there’s also a huge window that is out, I can’t explain properly will have to send you a photo soon.

      Liked by 1 person

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