Don’t Call Me Cute

I looked through google images to find the most pouty toddler to use as this main image, this one looks about as pleased as I feel.

This isn’t really a rant, well, it is, but it’s not entirely motivated by anger.

When I was between the ages of 4-8 people would proclaim ‘awww aren’t you a little cutie’. I didn’t know what cute meant, all I know is that I hated it. I hated it because even at 4 I could hear their patronising tone every time they called me it. And I would get so angry every time and my line was always;

I’M NOT CUTE!

And of course, every time a kid throws a little hissy fit that just makes them even more cute. So is work myself up to the point of tears because I hated being called it, and every time I told them to stop they wouldn’t, because I was 4, I was so small, so insignificant and pretty well useless.

The thing is, even though it’s 20 years later nothing has changed.

Most women are angry at the way it is for them in society. Do you know what’s even worse then being female? Being short. So as you can see the short female combination is a shitty one. Not only am I already not treated properly by men, I am the person that woman need to show dominance towards because they can’t say it to men.

There’s only so many Oompa Loompa jokes you can be told before you snap. Then I get the you can’t take a joke bullshit. You have NO FUCKING IDEA how demeaning it is when every fucking 12 year old you meet compares their size and are usually 98% of the time taller. There’s only so many walking head job jokes, weak girl jokes, short fucking….

So yeah, I am slightly angry. Because my whole existence exists of me looking up, and everyone else looking down on me. EVERYTHING is made for normal sized people, game controllers, shelves on walls, and pants! If I want a good pair of pants…

Hang on one second, before you all start, Pants are Trousers over here, not underwear.

Not only do I have to spend money on the item, I then have to spend extra money to take them up. So I just don’t, I live in leggings because I REFUSE to spend extra money on the same fucking product that every other normally proportioned person can wear.

I’ve given myself an injury from lifting, the cartledge connecting my ribs is inflamed. It hurts to breath, every time I take a breath it feels like my whole rib cage is squeezing my lung. And it’s agony, there’s no relief. All because I helped carry a tv from one side of the house to the other.

I hate my father telling me that I shouldn’t be doing this kind of work because I’ll hurt myself. I hate the fact that most 12 year old boys have more strength in their arms then me. I hate that I’m only 4 inches taller then being declared a legal dwarf. I hate that everything is out of my reach, and that people never see me when I’m walking unless I’m making a lot of noise.

I hate being the doormat to the people that get fucked on everyday…

No matter how fat I get, I know I have the ability to get thin. Fuck, I have the ability to change my face, make my tits bigger and my arse smaller. But I can NEVER be taller.

I wanted to be a model, but I can’t because I’m too SHORT, something that is out of my control entirely.

I’m sick of getting fucked on by everyone around me.

Im sick of feeling inferior and weak.

Im sick of feeling like I literally have NOTHING that will help me succeed in life, because if I were smart I’d never be taken seriously anyway because I’m female, but I’ll NEVER be beautiful either, I’ll always be cute.

And do you know why?

My hands are baby hands that got bigger, I have no knuckles, I make a fist at you and you’ll laugh. My legs are so unbelievably short with hips so ridiculously huge that I’ll never have a ‘thigh gap’. My hips are too large for me back, and that’s just the bone structure! My tits are too big for my body. I have to reach for EVERYTHING. I am in constant pain just from my body being so fucking stunted.

So yeah, I have to stay loud, I can’t help but be angry. Because if I don’t i get treated the same way as a 15 year old, because people still mistake me for that age.

Please don’t fucking tell me that’s great and you’ll love that when you’re older.

HOW FUCKING OLD DO I NEED TO BE TILL SOMEONE TAKES ME FUCKING SERIOUSLY!

Anyone of you could defend yourself against me in a fight.

The only difference is I have to fight 10 times as hard in this life to not get walked all over.

Cute isn’t beautiful and cute isn’t sexy. Cute is weakness, and I would much rather be feared.

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