Because Nothing Says Xmas Like Fart Jokes

There’s not much I like Christmas, but one of the best parts about Christmas is that I can just casually peruse the toy sections of big chain stores like Kmart without looking like some sort of loner weirdo that plays with toys.

I totally don’t…

I needed something to do while I waited for an appointment, and I must say, I was more then a bit satisfied that they had a whole display shelf of book/fart monster plushie combination sets, pretty well right at the entrance to the store. Well done Kmart, stay classy Australia, this is what your kids want.

Fart monsters and fart books with fairly long detailed headings.

That italics was not meant to be sarcastic, I am legit proud that this is a gift they are hyping for children, farts are funny man, don’t pretend like they aren’t.

Not like half the other shit they have in the kids section. I don’t know whether because I was a kid, every toy seemed a lot more amazing and better built, or whether the quality of children’s products have just gotten worse over the years. To be fair it’s probably because I was kid. But some of them are so like, man, I know it’s Kmart and it’s meant to be cheap, but is this cheap even worth it?

I can imagine the kid who desperately wanted a drone who wakes up with this on Christmas morning. ‘Ohh great, it can only fly up to 21m, that’s about a tenth as high as what an actual drone can fly. And it’s made of foam, so I can’t even put a camera on it. Thanks rent’s you cheap fucks…’ I’d suggest blaming Santa on this one.

But all shitty Kmart toy jokes aside, I’m starting to feel better. I’ve been trying to get out of the house every day, I’m keeping on top of the housework, I’m starting to think about the future again.

It’s been a good 3 months now of self pity, time to snap out of it.

It’s not like I’m trying to force myself out of a rut either, it just feels like it’s not so pointless anymore. I’m starting to feel slightly better, like life still kind of sucks a bit and it’s hard, but put into perspective, that’s still pretty good considering where I am right now. And I don’t just mean in this house either, which is amazing and I’m somehow surviving alone in it without a job. I am completely free to express myself in any way I want, I am my own person.

That’s pretty cool.

I went to the doctors today for a check up. I managed to get a deep pimple on this inside of my ear, which I have been constantly picking at because it’s been annoying as shit. The doctor told me to stop picking at it and it’ll go away. This is the thing with me, I pick at everything, pimples, scabs, it’s a pretty compulsive thing I do. It’s not just physical shit I pick at either. Everything down to conversations is picked apart by me, and I keep remembering and breaking the wound apart instead of just leaving it alone. And much like any scab that you continuously pick at, it leaves scars.

It’s time to stop picking off the scab. It’s time to leave it alone, leave the memories, leave the pain.

Time to move on.

I’m 25, I have my whole life ahead of me.

And I’m still in a pretty ideal situation considering.

I mean, 13 year old self would be going, why the fuck are you even crying over guys when you can eat Nutella with a spoon whenever you want (which is when you can afford it) without anyone else saying you cant.

13 year old me is right, it’s good to be able to do things like eat Nutella with a spoon, apologetically, because there’s no one else here to tell me I can’t. Fuck yeah!

Yes, I still feel sad, sometimes it’s for a moment, sometimes it lasts longer. It’s fine, I need to learn to balance these emotions.

So yes, life is still hard, but at least it’s reached an almost satirical Avenue Q type musical level.

At the end of the day, I may envy others lives, but at the same time, my life in itself is enviable in ways.

I just have to remember that.


2 thoughts on “Because Nothing Says Xmas Like Fart Jokes

  1. Raw cookie dough. That was my thing. Used to have this friend. We’d buy one of those pre-made cookie dough tubes but never turn the oven on – just sit, watch tv, eat cookie dough, and bitch about men. It was great.

    Brava, Kim! On keeping it together! Man! I know it was really difficult. It’s STILL difficult. But you’re doing it. I’m so impressed and proud of you: there’s my friend, life’s got her down, but did she stop? No. Kept going. Stood up all by herself and pulled her life together. I’m so happy for you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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