Psy Is Back! And maybe me

This post is brought to you because of lamotrogine making it’s way back into my system and bringing back sanity.

Or it’s bringing on hypermania, if you want to be that cynical bastard.

Psy is back! He hasn’t posted a song on his youtube channel for over a year and 5 days ago he posted 2 songs. They’re pretty weird but that’s kind of standard for Psy.

K-pop brings me a lot of joy, and Psy was kind of the reason why K-pop became more mainstream.

Oh, and to anyone wondering who the fuck Psy is, 2 words; Gangnam Style

psy

This split people into some weird categories; those who loved dance and loved the fun of K-Pop and became instant fans, the standard anti dance music haters who just hated it because it was annoying and over-played, and racists. At least in my vicinity.

I don’t care what your opinion is on Psy, he is unique, fun and I love him for it. I love that he is the comparison to Kim Jong Un on the South (nice) side of Korea.

korea meme

It’s not just the music that makes Psy truly special and unique either, it’s his dancing.

Psy dances with the grace of a man who was was not gifted with the standard K-pop men looks, so instead had to compensate with weirdness and enthusiasm. And he doesn’t give a fuck because, dat Psy be pretty rich now.

dancing psy

 

I love that in a person, hence why I wrote about Charlie Sheen (woah I’m hyping up a pretty old post and writing in italics half way through a sentence, I don’t know, I kind of liked that post and I need to link all that shit again anyway so go read it for shits and giggles. Sometimes I Wanna Party Like Charlie Sheen)

I’m not going to link to Gangnam Style even though it’s totally amazing, I’m going to link to recent and 2 years ago Psy, because, this seems like a good post, even though it’ll probably only get read in a few months when new people start scolling through my feed because I’ve actually gotten my shit together and started reading peoples shit again.

Not shit, sigh, you know what I mean. Because I feel bad that I still have at least a handful of people who still read my posts even though I havent been reading much at all. I appreciate you guys, I really do.

Oh, and I picked these 2 songs because I Luv It has the most on fleek dancing I’ve seen on his, also some of the most cringiest, badly translated english subtitles that are an absolute joy for me.

And Gentleman, just because I like it, a lot, it may be my favourite even.

I cycle pretty quickly between interests, and I also like a very wide variety of things, hence why it’s gone from weird horror puppets to K-pop so quickly.

Lol.

Mangled

It’s only been recently that I realised that no matter how much I’d like to think that I’m getting over you, but the only thing that is becoming clear is the damage you’ve done.

I wanted to write about art, mainly about the stuff I’ve been doing. And the fact that I’m selling it now, so I’ve moved up to a different level with it now. You know, I’m kind of proud of myself, for committing myself to a project for over a month, straight out, and not letting it beat me even after I accidently fucked up a version when it was in its last colouring stages. I wanted to write about Steven Universe, I really did… These are probably going to be the last positive words in this post though, because I’m not going to sugar coat it when I say that everything else I feel over shadows any good feeling I feel about any achievement. And the problem with me is that I have ignored any bad thoughts, for the past 8 months.

Now it’s actually affecting me…

Everybody, new or familiar, that has come into my life in the past month I have pushed away in the most explosive possible way. I burnt those fucking bridges down.

And since my stance on reality is so fucking unstable right now, I can’t tell whether this is self sabotage or self preservation.

But it’s not any of that, it’s still you.

You sent me back to my parents after spending 2 and a half years never having left your side.

You sent me back with a letter instructing me to do the things you like so I would think of you, you stated in that letter that you wanted me to be part of your family.

You said that after the week we would meet for my mothers birthday, we’d celebrate with her and then we’d go home.

You ignored my messages all week. You stood me up in front of my family and left me to break down in a carpark. You then continued to break up with me over text message.

You were the one who encouraged me to get this diagnosis. You were the one who assured me you were going to be there for me, whatever happens. You were the one who promised that you would still love me, even if I went of the medication that made me stable, you said my health and head was the most important thing.

You made me trust you. You made me think that love existed. You made me take me walls down, the mental and medicated walls.

Then you regurgitated some Rush lyrics at me like a pretentious hipster wanker after you promised we’d be a family.

You left with no mental support, no medication, and I’d never lived alone before.

You just left me fucking mangled.

How in the fuck do I trust anybody ever again after this?

What is this blog?

I’m so fucking humiliated because you were tied into everything in my life, including this blog. Most of the year of this blogs existence, he was in it.

What the fuck do I even write about anymore when all I see is my own delusion writings of when I was so happy.

But that happiness was a lie.

And that’s why I haven’t been writing lately… because I need to know who I am first, because I am not who I want to be now.

I am a mess, and that’s ok. I am still a wounded animal, still bleeding and lashing out at everyone.

But I’m so fucking lonely, I’m so hurt by the fact that al the people I chose to connect with again couldn’t even spare time for me. I’m sad that I can’t be trusted with romantic relationships either because of intense, unhealthy, obsessive feelings.

But now things are finally coming about, in regards to my mental health. I’m on this journey alone.

I spend all my time alone, I speak with very few people. And the more things stay this way, the crazier I am starting to feel.

But this situation is only for now, just have to push through and face the darkness alone.

Leaving a link to Jordan Underneath because this video is super weird and how I’m feeling right now. Warning, if you are easily disturbed and don’t like horror, weirdness or creepy puppets then don’t watch this link.